I'm the Shadow Man

Why the fuck am I here sometimes?

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 01:20:56 GMT

One thing needs to be said. Women are damn confusing. Once you think you have them figured out, they do something to shock the hell out of you. Or slap the hell out of you. *Grumbles* Which is exactly what the shrew did this afternoon getting home from school. Gave this whole tirade on bad habits again, how I never pick up, clean, cook....bitching from one end down the other. I told her it was her job, not mine. She hauled out and slapped me. Now I have this welt on my cheek that burns like hell. Next thing I know she's crying her eyes out and hugging me, telling me I'll never make it in college....and all this other shit. What. The. Fucking. Hell? What could I do but stand there mentally thinking dad what the hell did you marry? I think the air was squeezed out of my lungs. I'm having this trouble breathing again. It's like this gapping for air...that or they are clogged up with smoke. *Puffs away on cigarette* She's been holed up crying in her room the rest of the night. I went in to ask when she was going to make dinner and she threw a lamp at me. I ducked. It missed and smashed against the wall. Old man is she on some kind of drugs? Do something, this shit is scaring me. She won't come out of her room. Miss me you say? I feel like she's going to be booting me out the door any minute. Damn that woman. That said can I continue? I feel like I haven't even broken the tip of the iceberg with how confusing they are. I think I will wait a while before I come home after school lets out, unless I need to work. Which is exactly what I did today. I didn't expect the phonecall I got. I haven't talked to her in quite a while. Not since....not since all that shit happened. I wish I were a damn cloud so I could just float away from all this. Carefree. Traveling at my own pace and not worried about anything that comes my way. Hopefully, the tornados would keep at a distance, because they do a world on my head.

Shikamaru sat on the top of his car, looking out to the sky above him. School had already let out, and many people were long gone. He'd been sitting there for an hour just looking up and thinking.

Temari went through her phonebook and entered his name, dialing his cell number. She'd never call his house phone. If she did, she'd have to speak with his mother. He probably wasn't there, anyway.

Hearing his ringtone go off he sighed. The phone was in the car. He didn't feel like getting up. When the irritating noise continued to play over and over again, he hopped down off the hood of his car and opened the door finding his phone. He flipped it open and held it to his ear. "Hello?" He said in his usual lazy drawl. He half expected his mother to start screaming at him wondering where he was. He squinted his eyes ready.

Temari almost hung up when he answered. He didn't want to talk to her. Not after...she should just hang up first and save him the trouble. But she wasn't that kind of person. She was stronger than that. His friendship meant too much to her. "...Hi."

When he didn't hear the loud screaming on the other end, he was shocked. That voice....it was Temari. He didn't speak for a few long moments. "Uh....hey"

She laughed a little, quietly. How awkward. She coughed, clearing her voice. Raising it to a normal volume. Putting on the 'okay' voice. "How are you? I haven't seen you in a while." Not since...

"Yeah...." he said nodding, voice low. "Been okay I suppose...."

She smiled slightly. "That's good." She paused, feeling awkward again, before barreling onward. "Naruto do anything else stupid to the school? I don't see Gaara much anymore."

"Besides getting me to help him with chemistry and trying not to blow up the school...yeah maybe he's okay...." he said wondering why she was so interested in Naruto. She could just call him if she wanted to know. He grumbled slightly.

"I was just curious. No need to get snippy," she told him, hoping the pout wasn't evident in her voice as she tugged on one of her sweatshirt strings.

"I'm not snippy....." he said closing the car door and sitting back on the roof of his car.

"Bullshit you're not," she commented dryly. "You pretty much always are."

"Feh, whatever...." he said with a sigh. His one big question was wondering why she was calling him. It had been quite a while....what could she want? Did she.....miss him?

"Yeah, well...whatever," she replied, not really knowing what else to say. Goddamn he was hard to talk to over the phone. Usually they didn't need to, but then again usually their silences were more comfortable than this.

He tapped his foot against the bumper of the car. "So....." he said not knowing what to say. Damn this was weird. "How's life?" he said, his voice coming out more harsh than usual.

She closed her eyes, rolling them beneath her lids. Not snippy. Right. "Fine," she replied, sounding put-off suddenly by the tone in his voice. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't he just...

"Been busy seems like eh?" he asked. Even if things had slowed down for him, it was hard to do. Hard to talk to her after the last time. He kept tapping his foot, his rear slowly sliding off the car at such a slow pace he didn't notice.

"How would you know?" she asked him, shoving the string into her mouth, chewing on it in nervous habit. She crossed her arms against her chest defensively.

"I asumed. You haven't bee around online much either." He was kidding himself. He'd purposefully stayed away from talking to her too.

"I haven't felt like getting online," she replied. "I've been working on school stuff."

"Exactly. Meaning busy." He felt like being argumentative today. He tapped his foot some more, which concluded in him sliding even further down the hood of the car. Before he could catch his balance he slid off with a thud. "Fuck" he said staring up, irritated and in a annoyed voice.

"What the hell are you doing over there?" Temari asked. "Intensive hard labor?"

"I fell off the car" he said in a bored, still rather irritated tone.

Temari covered her mouth, hopefully smothering her laughter before he heard her.

"Don't laugh at me....." he whined out.

"m'not," she replied, voice muffled by her hand.

He sat up slowely, hand on the concrete. His ass hurt. He laid back down on the pavement. Moving was too much effort right now. "So that snickering sound is the squirrel sitting beside me?"

"Yes," she replied very calmly.

"That's a lie because there is no fucking squirrel beside me," he said still laying on the pavement. It was uncomfortable. "My ass hurts..." he whined out.

"That's very homosexual of you to say, Nara," Temari announced, glancing down at her fingernails.

His eyes went wide. "Feh...sh....oh fuck whatever...." he grumbled out. He sighed. "So why did you call Temari?"

She shrugged. "No reason in particular," she replied. "I hadn't talked to you in a while."

"I thought you wanted that?" he said, his voice softer than it had been earlier.

"Maybe," she responded quietly. "For a while. I needed time to think."

"Oh" he said his voice trailing off. "I pretty much figured you'd not want to talk to me for much longer...."

"I didn't," she answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh?" he said raising an eyebrow. "What changed your mind?"

"My mind changed on a lot of things. It's hard to explain," she told him.

He sighed, finally sitting back up with a grunt to get off the pavement. Stretching his back cracked and he winced, reminding himself to not sit on the hood of his car again unless it was sturdy. "Hard to explain, eh? Care to try?" he asked, serious and curious.

"Not really."

"Not even the slightest bit?" he asked, a small grin on his face. Who would have thought a blow to his ass on the concreate would put him in a better mood?

"No," she said again, voice stern, feeling herself close in. She wasn't ready to tell him. Not now. She wasn't even sure if she could. Who in their right mind could entertain the idea of getting back together with someone who had treated them the way Temari had strung Shikamaru along? It was laughable.

He frowned. "Fine, fine. You damn women are confusing as hell...." he grumbled out.

"Whatever. Like you're not," she replied.

"Women are by far....the most confusing creatures on the planet" he said with a sturdy nod of his head.

"All men say that. Just because you're not clever enough to figure it out..."

"Oh? I shall write a book on the way this world would be better off without you women to confuse the shit out of it...."

"Greater people than you have tried," she replied smartly, looking in disgust at the chewed end of her string. She really needed to stop doing that.

"Oh but the difference...." he said in an assured tone, "I will succeed."

"Ever heard of Maureen Dowd?" she asked him casually.

"No" he said raising a brow.

"She wrote a book last year called 'Are Men Necessarry?' Ever heard of a book about women written by a man?"

He grumbled, feeling defeated but too tired to argue on the topic. "So what is your verdict? Are men necessarry miss I'm attached to my vibrator?"

"I've never been attached to it. I have a healthy sexual appetite," she replied. "Or so my therapist says."

"Oh I'm sure they do...." he said with a chuckle. The idea of talking to a stranger about problems unnerved him. How anyone did it, he didn't know.

"I only have one," she replied testily. "I'm not that fucked up."

"Keep telling yourself that baby...." he said with the slip of his tounge again. He mentally kicked himself. He hated when he did that.

Temari rolled her eyes. "I've gotta go."

He frowned feeling like he'd just killed this seemingly okay conversation they'd been having, no matter how weird it was. She could only hear the deep sigh in his voice. Truth be told he liked hearing her voice again. He kicked a nearby rock with his shoe.

"What?" she asked, trying not to snap but failing miserably. If he thought she was a fuckup, fine. It wasn't like it was a new concept to her. She'd just thought...well, that he was different, as stupid as it sounded. Apparently she was stupid enough to believe it.

His voice got quiet and back to its habit of being sweet when he wanted to calm down her frazzeled nerves. "I was only joking..." he said his voice tappering off.

"You never sound like you're joking, Shikamaru," she told him.

His brows furrowed. "You should know by now when I am joking and when I'm not....." he said, his voice still in that calming mode.

"Should I?" she asked him quietly.

"I believe so..." he said more sternly.

"It's a sensitive subject," she said. "You should figure out not to joke about it."

"Hmph" he said lightly, sighing again. What was with him and wanting to apologize to this girl so quickly? She had broken his heart hadn't she? So why did he want to try so hard to....to make her feel better when he crushed her feelings. He shook his head. "I'm sorry...." he said softly, almost not audible to be heard, but heard nonetheless.

"Sure," she replied, quietly accepting his apology. She knew he didn't mean it. It had just - like everything else in her life recently - rubbed her the wrong way. Her job was doing the same thing. So was school. Everything was fucking up and it all seemed her fault. Her apparently necessity to be alone. It was getting to her.

"Are you sure your okay?" he asked in a concerned tone. Something in her voice bothered him. He wanted to be sure.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, her voice tense. She didn't want to talk about it. Not with him.

Part of him hurt still. Part of him still wanted to reach out to her and comfort her. But what could he say? He shuffled his feet and looked down at his sandled feet. The weather had been nice and cool.

"Listen, I gotta go," she told him finally, voice quiet.

"Yeah....." he said sadly almost. As sad as Shikamaru could sound when trying to hide it.

"It was...it was good talking to you again," she told him honestly. "You should call me sometime."

He smiled slightly from the corner of his mouth, a small half laugh coming out. A warm and friendly one though. "Maybe..."

"Yeah, yeah..." she commented dryly, clicking her phone shut and sighing. Geez, for a casual conversation, that was damn difficult.

He clicked the phone and placed it in his pocket. He sighed. Damn that was strange. The soft breeze blew through, his now shoulder length hair moving. He closed his eyes. Maybe one day....just maybe one day.

It's a nice night. Cool evening breeze. I think I'll go watch the stars.

I want more sleep

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 17:10:13 GMT

*Grumbles and rolls over in bed* Seems I will be late to school today. My alarm didn't go off ~~more or less I knocked in on the floor when it started to go off.~~ The shrew harped for some time until I told her I'd be going in late. I needed some sleep. Those damn professors don't teach me anything to begin with. What can I say about life? Things have slowed back down, and it's back to it's normal pace. Just the way I like it.

It's been nice cloud-watching with Chouji recently. Like old times. Been nice to take the break and spend some time with him and Ino. Though I could deal without Ino's loud mouth. Damn woman you are so fucking loud it kills my hearing. You and the shrew should have a yelling match one day. I'm not so sure anymore who would win. I just know that my ears would bleed and I would be deaf for the rest of my life. Hey that might not be so bad....less troublesome. I could contently watch the clouds and not be bothered. *Sighs* Then it would be too much trouble because everyone being frustrated with not being able to talk to me....then I'd have to learn sign language....fuck it. Ridiculous idea.

Damn I'm hungry. Might as well go grab some left-over taco's from the frig. Unless the old man inhaled them before he left this morning. Which is possible...and that would be troublesome.

*Sighs*

I'm fine. Maybe it's just better this way that Temari and I move on. Maybe she was better off without me. I'm too fucking lazy for any girl to deal with really. *Sighs* Oh who am I kidding...she was the only one that ever motivated me to do anything out of the ordinary. Either way....things...they should be okay. Time is something I have. Maybe one day she will feel differently. Right now...it's never going to happen. Maybe that's what hurts....

Blown in by the wind, carries the clouds to high, my wish on a fallen star....

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 04:36:05 GMT

Well shit. Fuck myself over for trying. For seeing that maybe, just maybe there was something for me to hold on to. That's it. I made my ultimatum...and that's it. Someone up there is trying to tell me something, and hell if I understand it.

Shikamaru knocked on her door, louder than usual. He pulled on his turtleneck as the wind blew across his face. It was still cold out, even if the snow had been long gone. He needed an answer, and he needed it tonight.

Temari threw her pen down with a frustrated yell. She was going to get nowhere with this work. Nowhere! Pushing her desk chair back angrily, she went to go answer the door, because she knew that neither of her brothers were home. Like they ever were anymore. Gaara was finally getting back to school, at least. Kankuro was hopeless. Fucking hopeless. Running a hand through her hair absently, she threw open the heavy front door to their house and blinked.

"We need to talk..." he said making his way in. Taking off his coat he put it on the coat rack, showing the dark green ribbed turtleneck underneath.

Temari took a step back, blinking slowly as Shikamaru pushed his way past her. "Yeah, come on in," she mumbled, suddenly feeling put off by his attitude. This wasn't going to be a nice visit.

"What is this?" he said motioning a hand between the two of them.

Temari looked down at the ground, then back up to him. "About four feet?"

He grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Us....Temari....us..."

She raised an eyebrow. "Should I be scared to ask you to elaborate?"

He shook his head, breathing out with a deep sigh. "This friends shit...." he said shaking his head again, long strands of his hair falling in front of his blue eyes.

She glanced at him. "Uh...huh."

"Do you feel nothing? Cause shit Temari....you still haunt me...." he said his bottom lip pouting slightly. He didn't really know what he was saying or doing, he was just acting irrationally. He needed to know. This grey area they were in was too cold, too frustrating, too cloudy.

Temari blinked, face paling. "Uh..." Did he really just ask her that? What the hell was he saying? Was he actually serious. Shit, don't be doing this. Don't do this. Shit shit shit.

He walked up closer to her, his keys jingling against the chain on his beltloop. He now stood just inches from her, eyes looking to her serious. Dark and looming even though they shone of blue.

Temari took a step back, even as she spoke. "Back off, Shikamaru. Okay? What the fuck are you trying to say here?"

"I need to know. I can try for so long...just...." he sighed. His stomach was in knots. He felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. This felt so awkward, like asking a girl out for the first time. "Kiss me," he said seriously.

"What?" she shot out, and her voice sounded like it belonged to a screeching twelve-year-old. "Why? No!"

"Kiss me one last time. If you don't feel anything...I'll leave you alone. One condition..." he said, voice confident and shakey all at the same time. "Tell me the truth."

Temari expelled a heavy breath, glancing at him. "You're serious," she said, voice calm.

"Yes" he said in a low booming voice.

"Why?" she asked, trying to control the quiver in her voice.

"Because damn it Temari...." he shook his head, looking off to the side. "I still get that feeling you know? When you're around. We still get these damn awkward moments. I know you feel something. Either that or I'm lying to myself. I need an answer....straight up and honest. Prove to me..."

She scoffed, crossing her arms against her chest, a sure sign that she was getting defensive. "Why do I have to prove anything to you? Why can't you just take things for what they are? Why do you always have to make things so damn difficult?"

"Why are you bending the subject? Why is it so hard to do. It's simple. Kiss me, and if you feel nothing...you have nothing to lose. It's not that damn difficult."

"Maybe I don't want to!" she snapped back. "Maybe because the last time you kissed me I--I wanted to punch you! Things just don't work because you want them to!"

"I'm not leaving here until this is over. It's not such a big deal if it's nothing. Damn it Temari...." he said his voice wavering at the end.

"You can't just march into my home and demand that I kiss you!" she yelled, pointing to the front door. "Leave!"

"No," he said sternly.

"Goddamnit!" she cursed, stomping her foot on the hardwood. She ignored the stinging that moved up into her ankle, realizing too late that she'd stepped down on it wrong. "Leave!"

He crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are you fighting this so hard?"

"This is a stupid idea and I'm not falling for it!"

He stepped closer again, uncrossing his arms.

Temari stepped back for every step he took toward her. "If you don't leave, I'm calling Gaara down."

"Gaara's not here...."

"How the hell would you know?!"

"He's never here...." he said stepping closer again.

"He's been sick. How the fuck would you know? It's not like you've been around lately," she spat out, hoping if she were mean enough, he would turn tail and leave. It didn't look like it was working, and she was being backed into a corner.

He reaced out, his hand gently touching her arm, as he closed the gap between them. He let out a calming breath as he leaned his head down. His lips warm and inviting. "Just kiss me...." he said whispering, eyes half closing.

She pulled her arm back as if his touch was made of fire, but her palm smacked into the wall behind her. She turned her head, a wild, caged look in her eye, to find that he'd backed her up against it. She turned back, stare snapping from his mouth to his eyes, blue like hers. "No," she argued again, but her argument was losing wind. Her voice was quiet. She sounded like she was giving up.

He leaned in closer, placing his hand against the wall over her shoulder. His breath now tickled the skin of her cheek as he whispered again. "If it's nothing, it's not so hard to do....."

"Stop it," she told him, her voice uncharacteristically quiet, her nails making a scraping noise against the wallpaper and she curled her open hands against it.

He finally took her lips in his, in one sweeping motion. Both hands now against the wall, trying to grasp for something that wasn't there.

Temari squeaked, the back of her head hitting the wall as she tried to pull away, willing herself not to kiss back. Her hand instincitvely moved up behind her head, trying to soothe the mild injury she'd just given herself. Shit, was this seriously happening again? Were they really doing this?

He grumbled, his brows furrowing. Why was she being so difficult. It was simple. Kiss back then tell him. That's all he wanted. He grumbled again low in his throat as he leaned in again.

Fine. Fine, if this was what he wanted, she'd give it to him. Then she'd tell him to get the fuck out of her house and she could go on with her life. Her frustrated, boring, emotionally and sexually deprived...and then she realized she'd been kissing him back, fiercely, her teeth grazing his lower lip as she took it into her mouth.

His fingers crunched up against the wall, shivering as she grazed accross his lower lip. He kissed her hotter, heavier, his tounge trailing against her lips.

Pressed flat against the wall like this, she couldn't help but feel a little like a hunted, caged animal. She knew she could fight him off, but the fact that he was looming over her, slightly bigger than her - she wasn't sure what to make of it. She opened her mouth slightly, arching into him, telling herself that this was it. She would give him what he wanted, and then he would leave. No more sleepless nights, waiting, wondering, thinking that maybe, just maybe...no. This would end it.

His tounge dipped in slowley, reaching for hers. He held back a slight moan deep in his throat. He couldn't get enough. His fingers uncurled and flattend on the wall. His body leaned in slightly, coming in closer contact with hers. It made his heart race. Made his skin feel hot.

Her tongue met his and her hands pushed her away from the wall, her body pressed now against him instead of it. Her hands, now feeling neglected, moved over his sweater and up to his face, cupping his jaw on either side, pulling him closer to her.

His tounge played with hers, as it ventured deeper into her mouth when she pulled him in. She tasted sweet, like honey and cinnamon. His one hand moved down to her waist, pulling her hips closer to his, the other hand curling up into a fist still against the wall.

Temari continued to lean into the kiss, her body reacting although the small voice in the back of her mind told her she should stop, tell him to leave, that she wasn't worth it. But this kiss, his body - they were two things that were all familiar to her, and she fell back into that familiar step. Pressing her hips against his, chest rising and falling heavily, heartbeat rising... Her blood felt like it was on fire.

He could feel her heartbeat against his. His breathe hitched each time her tounge rolled over with his, or when she nipped at his lower lip. He didn't want to stop, but he reminded himself of what this was. This was a test. He pulled away slightly, his lips leaving hers. He could still feel the tingle of them, and the moistore from her mouth.

Temari fell back against the wall, breathing heavily, eyes dark and glossed over as she stared at a point past Shikamaru's shoulder. What had she let herself get into? What had she done?

He steadied his breathing, his arm around her waist falling to his side. His other hand stayed flattened against the wall. Now was the moment of truth. His heart still beat rapidly as he willed the words to come out of his mouth. "The truth now...." he said in a soft, yet husky voice.

She didn't turn to face him. She couldn't bring herself to do it. She was sure that if she did, she wouldn't be able to do what she needed to. She blinked once, slowly, opening her eyes to the same point past him. "Get out," she said quietly, sounding defeated.

He gulped lightly, his brows creasing. "A straight up answer Temari...." he replied.

"What do you want to hear?" she asked him, her tone sounding almost sad. "Just tell me what you want me to say."

"It's not what I want to hear. It's what you feel...." he said his head now turned down, looking off. "Say the truth. That's it. What do you feel?"

"Nothing," she whispered, hands flat against the wall again, limp at her sides. She looked like a ragdoll on a stand, her hair falling from its tie and falling around her cheeks, flushed from their encounter.

He grumbled at her statement. He didn't believe her. She fell into that kiss too far for it to be nothing. "Either you are lying, or you've really been lacking some action. The truth Temari..."

She looked over at him, eyes like chips of ice. "Am I not the ice queen, Shikamaru? Isn't it me to feel nothing? Isn't that what I'm supposed to say? I am nothing, therefore I feel nothing."

His voice became low and dark, eyes still looking off. "Look at me...." he said now moving up to meet her eyes.

She did the exact opposite of what he requested, turning to face the staircase, instead.

He reached up and pulled her chin to his direction. Not harsh, but not subtle either. "Look at me Temari. Give me the fucking truth," he declared.

"What?" she snapped, jaw set as she stood in his grip, face turned up to him, blue eyes locked on blue eyes. "What am I supposed to say?"

"Say what this says..." he said his voice strained, brows moved up and eyes glazed over as he patted a hand to his heart.

Her teeth clenched, and she swallowed hard. Still glaring at him, not able to read him through false eyes, she spoke. "I still love you," she said, voice strong. Her eyes, however, spoke of another emotion as they began to blur. "But this can't work. I'm sorry."

He breathed in, keeping his cool to not loose it. His hand still on her chin, he leaned his forehead against hers eyes still locked. His voice came out in a waver, for his throat felt tight. "The reason?" he said dropping his hand from her chin.

She drew in a deep breath, closing her eyes as she turned away from him. "I don't deserve it," she said, her voice quiet, strained from unshed tears. "I need it...I want it. I just need to be worth it."

He closed his eyes, only to betray himself by sheding tears. He kissed her lightly on the forhead before stepping away. "You are worth it..." he said, feeling as if his breath would give out at any moment.

Temari raised her hands to her face, sobbing quietly. She couldn't do this. She couldn't believe she was doing this, not with him here. Breaking down in front of him like this. She'd lost control. She'd lost herself. All the voices who had spoken against her before now taunted her in her mind, and she knew they were right. She didn't deserve anything more. She shook her head, her sobs getting louder.

He stepped away more, his heart breaking with each move. He wanted to reach out. To tell her that he wouldn't leave. Yet, here he was stepping down and heading out the door. If he moved forward arms out, she would push him away. He felt like the world was crashing, and this time he couldn't do anything two stop it. He nodded, tears still making thier way down his face. "This is what you want?" he said more as a statement than a question, still nodding and paused in his steps.

"You got what you wanted," she said, not answering his question either way. Her voice sounded thick and foreign to her, and eyes burned behind her hands, tracks run down her face by her tears.

There was nothing left for him to say. He picked up his coat putting it on and opened the door. He paused in the doorway. "Goodbye Temari" he whispered. He headed to his car and shut the door. Looking over to the passenger seat he saw a ragged pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and stuck it in his mouth. Lifting a shakey hand he opened the ligher to lite it. No amount of smoking or any other bad habit could lift the pain he felt right now. He would have to be a man and ride it out.

Hearing the door shut, Temari allowed herself to slide down the wall, curling up against it and sobbing loudly, shoulders shaking as she cried. She tilted her head back, staring at the intricate moulding work in the ceiling, wondering if she'd ever get through this.

/What do you have to say now Chouji? Is it all going to work? I fucked up and it was just a slap in the face./

A friend is all it can be...but for now....I will leave you alone. Maybe one day you will find what you are looking for.

It's going to rain tonight, the clouds are dark...

Smoking is a bad habit?

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:07:27 GMT

If the shrew does not quit yelling about everything she can fit in that tiny head of hers at six in the morning, I may as well just shoot myself now. She's been going non-stop since before I got up this morning to get ready for school. My left ear is literally going deaf. Old man can't you keep her in line? Isn't that what you are supposed to do?

Apparently, I can't keep my own mouth shut when it comes to these fucking journals. In Chinese /Chouji...I'm sorry man alright. My head isn't all there right now. If it's not in the clouds at work, then it's being yelled at by someone. I don't like when someone else is right, and I know it. I'm supposed to be the one to figure these things out./

Here goes another boring day of lectures. Hoping Asuma doesn't pray on my neck again like an ashtray if I fall asleep again. I'm also assuming I have another pile of make-up work to do...my grade hasn't budged. Old fart what the hell? I can practically read you the damn history book without have even opened it.

If I don't stop smoking now I think my throat will close in. *grumbles* I need some fucking gum...

Shikamaru stuck the cigarette in his mouth, proping up his feet on the computer table. Looking out the window it seemed dreary today. No chance for cloud watching. As he puffed away on the cigarette, he leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling.

Chouji knocked on the door before entering---as was his eternal habit---a bag of chips in his teeth and his arms full of textbooks. He coughed loudly when he walked in, groaning for added effect. "Aughhhhh it smells like a chimney in here. Do you know what they used to do to chimney sweep boys, Shika?"

"No, a feather duster?" he said laughing before putting the cigarette back in his mouth.

Chouji shuddered, tossing his books on a spare corner of desk and tearing his chip bag open with his teeth. "See, they used to use little orphan boys to sweep out chimneys. They'd shave them all up, and make 'em go in naked---so they didn't get stuck, right? Well, if the kid didn't do it fast enough, some people would...poke up the chimney with a hot poker...and yeah, mr. scrotum and mr. hot poker aren't friends. Those sores were the first kind of cancer recognized by the English," he said, going into history-teacher mode without noticing. Unlike Shikamaru, he enjoyed Asuma-sensei's lectures. "...which, I might add, you'll be getting if you don't stop sucking on those death sticks."

Shikamaru raised a brow at Chouji's long winded speech. "Are you trying to make a point here?" he said coughing slightly as he inhaled more than exhaling at the moment. Eyes watering slightly he looked over to his friend. "That class is a bore, how do you stay awake?"

"Because---oh come on, isn't that interesting?" Chouji asked, blinking. "I mean, there's the whole debate I had after class with him about what happened to the guys who got jiggy with the barnyard animals. ---And put that out, idiot."

"It's damn disturbing..." he said coughing again. This cough came out more strangled than usual, as he took his feet down from the table to try and control it sitting up.

The fat boy gave him a long look, handing him a soda. "You gonna make it, slim?"

"I'm fine" he said huskily as he put the cigarette in the ashtray. He stared at the bright monitor of the computer and continued to draw out raggid, long coughs. This hadn't happend before.

Chouji worried his lower lip, confusion and a touch of anger coming into his expression. He put a heavy hand on his shoulder, feeling the spasming of his tight muscles and jutting bones. He was getting so thin again... "Hey, calm down. Deep breaths. Put your hands over your head and relax---it'll help free up the coughing."

He rubbed his neck slightly, his throat burning. The coughs got more wet sounding , as he placed a heavy hand on the table.

Goddamn, he sounded like someone who'd been chain-smoking most of their life. The deep, hacking cough rattling his chest was sick to hear, grating. "Shika---?"

With the last cough, the bright monitor of the computer now was sprayed lightly with specs of blood. Had that come from him?

Chouji's heart dropped into the general vacinity of his stomach---it was like falling from a great height, the sloshed feeling of lost gravity. A thin line of blood was worming its way down Shikamaru's chin.

He took his hand and wiped away at some of the speckles of blood on the screen. He could see his reflection, and see the thin line down his chin of the same red liquid. He picked up a dirty shirt on the floor, one he didn't care about and wiped it off his hand and chin. "Well...shit..." he said lightly.

"Well shit, yeah," Chouji ground out, still feeling unbalanced. He looked over at the overloaded ashtray, and at the empty, crumpled packs of cigarettes. "You..." he gritted his teeth, picked up the one full pack, and snarled down at it. "These are going to kill you, so I'm taking them away."

"I've cut down...." he said stifly, as he wiped of the monitor. "That's never happend before..." he said in a soft whisper.

"Once is enough---more than enough," Chouji said sharply. "I only had a major heart episode once, and that almost killed me. Once---this cinches it. If I ever see another of these cancer sticks in your mouth, I'm going to beat you up."

"Oh ho, going to sit on me?" he said raising a brow with his sarcastic tone.

"With every single ounce of my Jabba-like body," Chouji assured him with highly-narrowed eyes. "No more ciggies for you."

He grumbled rolling his eyes. "Damn it...they make me look sexy didn't you know?" he said with a laugh. Hell if someone acutally believed those ads.

"Oh, yeeeeees," Chouji chirped in falsetto, still with that 'I-want-to-hit-you-right-now' expression on his face. "Coughing up blood all over and wheezing like an asthmatic is so sexy, I could jump you right now."

He looked over at Chouji, blank expression on his face. His mind saying, shit don't say stuff like that to me. "Guess the women don't go for the ashtray smell for fabric softner huh?" he said turning away and trying to ignore the comment.

Chouji rolled his eyes---ahaha, the famous Nara selective hearing was coming back for a riotous encore---and stuck the package of cigarettes in the front pouch of his sweatshirt. "You won't be getting these back, you know. I'm dead serious---I will smack you if I see you sucking away on another cig. You're going to end up killing me with second-hand smoke."

"Gives you flavor..." he said with a chuckle. It was always his way to joke around. He knew Chouji was serious. He was serious as well. He moved his tounge around in his mouth, the bitter taste of blood still on it."

"'Crispy' doesn't taste very good. Neither does your blood, actually...and, unfortunately, I know this from experience," Chouji deadpanned, handing him his glass of water. "Go rinse and spit, and then we'll talk."

He grumbled again snatching the glass of water and trodding slowley to the bathroom. After a minute or two of rinsing he came back out, wiping his mouth with a towel. He looked straight at Chouji.

"This can't go on. I know I'm not your mother, but dammit, I might as well be," he said grouchily, waving the cigarettes.

"Your making me cross-eyed. What are you talking about?" he said with a sigh, knowing full well what this was about.

Chouji sighed heavily, hanging his head. His voice came, but only barely. "Stop punishing yourself. Please."

"I'm not punishing myself" he said firmly crossing his arms.

"First the drinking, then this...it's not an escape, or even a placebo Temari. Stop trying to pretend that it is!"

"It helps my nerves that's all" he said as an excuse.

"Then---then flog your dog or whatever, because that won't slowly, painfully kill you," Chouji said waspishly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Shikamaru inwardly twitched. "Stop talking about masterbation....shit...."

"Guilty little bastard," he said with a twitchy smirk. "So whaaaaaat. If stress relief is what you're aiming for, try something a little more constructive."

"I don't do that...." he huffed, taking a seat at the computer.

"Uh-huh, Mr. So Good With His Famous Nara Hands," he said with a chuckle. "Say what you'd like."

"Don't talk about me like I'm some kind of porn star...." he said rolling his eyes.

Chouji made an interesting sound that could have been a mumble of 'I'd buy it' masked by a cough. Either way, his cheeks flushed and he sat back down with his contraband cigarettes to do his homework.

"I'm not big enough" he mumbled out under his breath.

Chouji crumpled up the cigarette packet with one hand and tossed it at Shikamaru's head. "You're FINE! SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN PENIS ALREADY!"

"STOP THROWING SHIT AT ME!" he rounded back throwing checking the pack for a cigarette. Shit he'd had the last one. He muttered a string of curses under his breath.

Chouji pulled a face, sticking his tongue out at him. Mature? Oh, yeaaaah.

"Oh that was real childish of you" he said throwing the crumpled package back at him.

"I'm not a grown up yet," Chouji said imperiously. "And YOU should stop acting like you are."

"I don't" he said in a huff. Who was he kidding, he was like an old man.

"All you need is a walking cane. You've already got the mad squint and the gimpness."

"Shut up!" he said ready to bolt over and tackle his friend. Only Chouji could easily throw a hand in his direction and knock him off course. "I don't see grey hair and false teeth yet." he huffed.

Chouji grinned. "I give you five years max. Me, I'm already getting grays, and I blame it SQUARELY on you."

Shikamaru glared over at him and just pounded over to his friend ready to wrestle him in a loosing battle. They hadn't done that since they were four.

Chouji tilted his head to look up at him, and just smiled. He knew that flustered look---he was going to try something.

Shikamaru attempted to tackle him. It wasn't working. Chouji was so much bigger than him as he tried to wrestle him to the floor. "I hate when you talk to me like that" he grumbled out.

Chouji watched Shikamaru try to wrestle him with the same sort of fondness as someone watching a kitten tackle their foot. He was equally as unmoved, and had his easily situated across his lap, pulled into a half-Nelson, before he could even think to fight his hold. "You only hate it because nobody else will, and because I'm right."

"Damn it" Shikamaru muttered out as he attempted to regain his posture and get the better of his slightly bigger friend. He huffed. It never worked. Even at four Chouji could have him crying for mother before Shikamaru could even budge him.

"Buddy," Chouji said, trying not to laugh and failing. He tightened his hold slightly, though he knew he didn't need to. Shikamaru had never bested him, and probably never would. "How much did you say you weighed?"

Shikamaru glared as Chouji laughed and kept the tight hold on him. "140" he said in a growl.

"Here's a secret that not a soul alive knows, and I will kick your ass if you repeat it. I tip the scale at 248. So. I have you by quite a bit, bud, and a lot of it is muscle. You really can't win, but I can sit like a good bitch if you want to try pinning me. I won't wriggle, even."

Shikamaru groaned and rolled his eyes. "I lose" he said sounding defeated. He never could win at this. "Temari's so much easier to wrestle..." he said with a pout.

Chouji patted his poof-less head, sighing melodramatically. "It's okay. You tried hard. ---And, unfortunately for you, I am far from being Temari."

"Guess I do need to pack on some weight if I'm to ever beat you" he said standing up and patting his stomach.

"You need to pack on some weight, period," Chouji muttered, poking him in the ribs. "You're getting to bare bones again."

He poked at his stomch again. "Ehhh....the shrew hasn't been cooking as much..."

"You know I'll feed you until you waddle," Chouji said with a twitchy smirk.

"Correction. You'll feed me until I roll out" he said with a slight laugh. He then pouted again. "I miss her..."

Chouji rubbed his chin, thinking, belatedly, that he needed to shave. "...all our conversations seem to make this loop..."

"Huh?" Shikamaru said not even realizing he'd just slipped and said what he had.

((Side note: As you guys may have noticed in Chouji's journal, he and Shika have a code when they talk. So whenever you see the "/" that means they are talking in Chinese.))

Tornado with a vengence going through my head...

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:15:25 GMT

I think I twisted my shoulder at work today. How? I don't fucking know. All I know is I hate this place. I'm not your clean-up boy. I don't like being a ticket boy either. In fact it all puts me to sleep on a slow day like today. I need a new job, but shit if there isn't much out right now. To add to the wonderful night, the shrew decides to give me another lecture about my bad habits. Woman I stopped drinking because I don't want to end up like the old man. But hell if it isn't hard considering. The fact that my world got turned upside down in a matter of months because of...well shit that happened, it's a lot to deal with. I don't like change very well. I like the slow paced way of life. The subtle, mundane life. After being through a tornado with one girl...it's kind of a hard thing to get over and get back to. My life has been anything but mundane. It's been damn troublesome. What have I learned? That I don't hold my alcohol very well. That I get massive headaches at the drop of a hat dealing with anything thats out of the norm. That I need to do some cloud-watching tomorrow. Chouji want to join?

Where's my cigarettes...damn....the shrew threw them out...

Private

This friends shit is starting to really get to me. I know that I can't do it very well with her. You can't go from being in a relationship so deep to just as if it never happened. Damn it Temari....I want you more than that. I want to be what you always wanted, what you can't let go of. I think....I think soon it's time I throw down my ultimatium.

/Private

What?

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 00:38:47 GMT

Been working my ass off so that some teachers don't think that I don't actually want to graduate. I acutally want that scholarship you know...*glares*

So I did one of these stupid question memes. Oh shut the hell up, I felt like it. Though after a hundred questions I almost fell asleep.

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? One on my hip where I fell in the ocean at three. Cliped a rock.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? They are fucking white walls...

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? It's a noisey ass thing that's what it is.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? Rock, soothing music, sometimes though that heavy stuff gets out some frustration.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 5 in the morning.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? I'm not admitting to this...it could only get me in trouble. Chouji you should know the answer to this one...*shifts eyes to the side and mumbles something about damn troublesome women*

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Being a kid, when things were more care-free. Cloud-watching with Chouji.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My mind.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? The cool breeze blowing through the grass on a beautiful day.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? No.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? That's for pansies.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? *Sighs* Temari

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? Eh...whatever the hell smells good.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Long, blond.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT? I am the man, they are supposed to be the one's to propose.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? Coffee

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Food is food...

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW WHAT WOULD IT BE? Mackeral damn it!

19. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? Striped pajama pants. Yes that's it!

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE? Speak Japanese, Chinese and English.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX ): Never really got gifts. I suppose that stupid ass Bambi plushie Ino gave me at 5. That thing made a great cat toy by the way.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? We aren't talking about this...what is with these damn quizzes and the personal questions. Leave me alone...*pouts*

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? To say it. I have a hard time doing that.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 20

31. "dit dit dit dah dah dah dit dit dit (...---...)" This actually means "SOS." Who am I, Tom Hanks? or Gilligan?: Wait is that what my old man is always humming when he leaves his bedroom in the morning?

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN: Temari actually, surprisingly enough.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Stupidity

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US? Haven't been to the US...I live in fucking Japan.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Being vague, being a smart ass. Oh I know there are quite a few of you that could add on to that list...don't.

36. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In the blasted hostipal. Like I care what it's called.

37. FIRST JOB? This damn theater!

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Does saying your somewhere else when your not count?

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY? Sleeping.

40.IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? No one should want to change thier body. Do you know the percentage of plastic surgery that goes wrong?

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? I felt like updating...shoot me.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? I don't. I'm not that attractive I guess. Oh shit sorry Ino...what was I supposed to say again. Okay okay...*caves* I'm damn sexy.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? We aren't talking about this either. It should be illegal...that shit stuff.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? It's done passed.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Two, boy and girl.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? The running tradition with the Nara family and "Shik"....

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? I like to look at them, wishing never gets anyone anywhere.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? I like all of them. Hell I like my hands in general. Oh shut the hell up those of you with your minds in the gutter.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? December.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ham I guess...

52. ANY BAD HABITS? Ehh....smoking right now.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? Nothing that you should know about.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Oh hell yes. I'm awesome.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? Never.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? Apparently they do. But I'm sexy remember?

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Keep to myself, go look at the clouds.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Chouji's.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? No

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? My chess board.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? 10?

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Sarcasm is my greatest skill aside from chess.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? I'm not getting dropped, are you stupid.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL/BOY? Someone honest, someone sensative, someone that pushes me to be myself and nothing else.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Shika, Bambi. Why does this feel like dejavu?

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Vanilla. Nice, simple, and plain. That's all you need.

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? Green.

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? Got taken out last year. Shit that was horrible and troublesome.

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? Ehhh....skipping this one...

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Hell if I care.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? L'arc en Ciel

77. LAST THING YOU ATE? One of those chocolate cupcakes out of the vending machine at school.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Temari.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX ? Eyes.

82. FAVORITE DRINK? Water is the safest.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Chess.

85. HAIR COLOR? Black, medium length.

86. EYE COLOR? Brown, blue when I'm wearing contacts.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? Yes, don't patronize me.

88. SIBLINGS? Chouji and Ino are like siblings. Otherwise I'm apparently the mistake. *grumbles*

89. FAVORITE MONTH? June.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? Hell yes, fish.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? The credits to a stupid ass movie at work while cleaning up.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Why should you have to pick? Nothing troublesome.

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Hell no.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer.

95. KISSES OR HUGS? Not getting either or so what the hell does it matter...

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationships

99. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Finished Good Omens...someone find something new, I'm too lazy to look.

100. WHERE DO YOU WORK? Stupid ass theater...

Too early....

Fri, 17 Feb 2006 16:02:03 GMT

Woke up this morning with the headache from hell. Not to mention not getting enough sleep before the shrew was up and knocking on my door. At 7 a.m. woman let me roll over and get another 15 extra minutes of sleep before you start harping at me about something. Harping and nagging...nagging and harping...I swear you women don't give a man a moment's peace.

Anyway...so I was an ass lastnight. Surprise? Not. I said some things to Temari in this blasted journal that I shouldn't have. I was pissed, had a bad day okay? Fuck man....*grumbles some more* This isn't easy damn it. Men shouldn't....*pauses*...ah fuck can I just get to my point...I'm sorry okay? Sorry I said those things, bringing up dirt that wasn't my place to.

There. Happy.

Chouji don't you dare bring up lastnight to me today. My head hurts from thinking too much about it. Out of all possible outcomes of anything...I'm inevitably putting myself on the line no matter what I do.

konohashadowman: what the fuck man?
butterflynin: What the fuck yourself.
butterflynin: What was that shit about?
butterflynin: I was teasing, asshole.
butterflynin: Fucking asshat. Don't you ever treat Ino like some kind of---of fuck toy.
konohashadowman: why the hell do you feel the need to get into something that didn't involve you in the first place
konohashadowman: I never said Ino was a fuck toy
konohashadowman: I'm pissed alright
butterflynin: AND THANKS FOR SHARING THE LOVE.
butterflynin: And wtf I still have Ino's font
butterflynin: >_<
konohashadowman: get rid of the fucking pink will you
konohashadowman: it hurts my eyes
butterflynin: Better.
konohashadowman: thank you
butterflynin: She must have it as default
konohashadowman: whatever
konohashadowman: shit man....
butterflynin: I'm stealing her computer while she sleeps...guess she's been feeling like shit.
butterflynin: Thanks to you, so do I, now
konohashadowman: oh as if you guys didnt make me feel like the ass of the nation
butterflynin: you brought it on yourself
butterflynin: that argument was childish
butterflynin: ragging on Temari doesn't enforce your feelings of love
konohashadowman: fuck love
konohashadowman: fuck it to hell
butterflynin: So. You prefer fucks in the backseat over a relationship.
butterflynin: Way to go the easy route.
butterflynin: Are you even listening to yourself, Shikamaru?
konohashadowman: Why?
konohashadowman: Relationships only bring me a fucking mess....
butterflynin: You sound like a two year old.
butterflynin: Stiffen your fucking upper lip and grow a backbone
butterflynin: She left you because you were being mush
butterflynin: If you want to get her back, this isn't the way to do it
konohashadowman: she doesn't want me back damn it
konohashadowman: don't you get that?
butterflynin: Shikamaru, if there's one thing I'm decent at, it's reading people.
butterflynin: Temari's harder than most, but I still can tell. I can tell from both of you...just the way you two move...
butterflynin: Just stop taking it like a bitch.
butterflynin: Get up and apologize to her, you idiot.
konohashadowman: fuck.....
konohashadowman: *grumbles*
konohashadowman: who says I want her back?
butterflynin: HAHAHA
butterflynin: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
konohashadowman: What? Don't laugh at me
butterflynin: You really are blind.
butterflynin: That, or just plain stupid.
konohashadowman: She annoys the shit out of me....
butterflynin: And you can't live without her.
konohashadowman: Yes I can
konohashadowman: *huffs*
butterflynin: Call me fat, but don't call me dumb.
butterflynin: I know you.
konohashadowman: Know me then....
konohashadowman: What does my head say? Since you seem to live in it at the moment.
konohashadowman: You've already beaten it down...
butterflynin: And I know this asshat that's talking to me isn't my best friend.
butterflynin: This pathetic loser needs his overweight and emotional bitch of a friend to tell him what he already knows.
konohashadowman: what is that?
butterflynin: You want her back. It's killing you. And you're taking it out on me because I roll over like a good bitch.
konohashadowman: It's not killing me....
konohashadowman: I'm eating, sleeping, doing work, and not drinking....
butterflynin: You're snapping at me. At me. You're picking fights with anyone who tries to so much as tell you the time.
butterflynin: Wtf, man. Wtf.
konohashadowman: she just....she....shit....
konohashadowman: Why does she get under my skin so much....
konohashadowman: fucking why...?
butterflynin: I know
butterflynin: I know what you mean
butterflynin: I don't think I could go back to just being friends with Ino
konohashadowman: I should be able to....
konohashadowman: shouldn't I?
butterflynin: Not when you're bitching her out all the time
butterflynin: Srlsy.
butterflynin: I barely want to be your friend when you're like this.
butterflynin: And we had diaper changes together.
konohashadowman: I don't bitch her out all the time...
konohashadowman: She hit a fucking nerve....
butterflynin: It's a pattern, though.
butterflynin: You either fuck or you fight.
butterflynin: It makes me sick to watch.
konohashadowman: I don't fuck....
butterflynin: And what was the thing in the car, then?
konohashadowman: Me getting my ass drunk and her doing the same.
butterflynin: Yeah. Good job with that.
butterflynin: Biiiiiig fucking gold star.
konohashadowman: Oh shit get over it. It was one night. I can't even remember it....
konohashadowman: damn.
butterflynin: Me get over it? You get over it. I don't have the problem. I'm not limping around like a wounded mutt.
konohashadowman: I did get over it. So did she. The moment we sobered up. It obviously meant.....nothing...shit man oh fuck it....it was a fuck....*grumbles*
butterflynin: Um. Yeah.
butterflynin: Good going, slick.
butterflynin: I hate to sound callous, but it was stupid.
butterflynin: And you need to get over yourself and apologize
butterflynin: You think just pretending it was a 'lapse of better judgement' will make it better
butterflynin: Chouichi's conception was a lapse of better judgement. My parents going 'ahaha, oops' didn't make my life any better, now, did it?
konohashadowman: You try telling my hormones that next time I can't think straight from having three glasses of alcohol then.
butterflynin: Yeah. I'll hover over your shoulder like the good nanny I am.
butterflynin: Fuck, Shika, stop treating me like I'm your babysitter.
konohashadowman: then leave it alone....
butterflynin: I'm your friend. You push me away, and then you blame me for leaving.
butterflynin: Can't do that, can I?
konohashadowman: Well then shit what the hell do I do after I supposivly appolgize. She'll either A agree, B laugh in my face, or C push me out. Neither of those outcomes will lead her back to me in the sense that I guess the back of my mind won't let me be at peace with. Shit....I wanther...
konohashadowman: Heck if she probably isn't with some other guy at the moment and I can't deal with that. Drunk yes, sober...no.
konohashadowman: I'd like things back before, but that can't happen. I'm not the same anymore and neither is she. Maybe I should just leave her alone.....solve all her problems if I did.
butterflynin: Give up?
butterflynin: Sure. Go ahead. Let her go.
konohashadowman: Stop doing that to me....
butterflynin: You can do better.
butterflynin: O rly?
konohashadowman: So just string my heart out there on a thin line...let it sit as I try to get her back. Let her break it again. Risk everything....is that what your saying?
butterflynin: Is it?
konohashadowman: That's the only other option I have. The moment I appologize
konohashadowman: Is the moment I admit to myself that this isn't a phase anymore.
konohashadowman: That I can't let her go and she is all I want....
butterflynin: Good boy.
butterflynin: Took you long enough.
butterflynin: Who would've known reverse psychology would work on you?
konohashadowman: shut up
konohashadowman: *sighs*
konohashadowman: What if with that option she takes the other route....and inevitably I don't get her back?
butterflynin: Then you pick yourself up and start over.
butterflynin: But I don't think that's going to be the case
butterflynin: I've got a gut feeling she's just as miserable as you
butterflynin: and you know I have a lot of gut to feel.
konohashadowman: and how can that gut of yours sense that about her? Since she's so hard to read.....
konohashadowman: She doesn't say or do anything to show me otherwise...
butterflynin: ^_^
butterflynin: Trust me, buddy
konohashadowman: She only pushes me away.....
konohashadowman: What do you see?
konohashadowman: Just out of curiosity...
butterflynin: Haa, you want to hear about life from the fat boy's perspective?
konohashadowman: go ahead...
konohashadowman: you've probably been waiting for a time to shove this down my throat anyway...
butterflynin: Does it really seem like I shove everything down peoples' throats? >_<
konohashadowman: you know what I mean.....
butterflynin: As far as I see it, Temari likes you, but she doesn't know what to do with you. You're totally different from anything she's seen before
butterflynin: And she kind of liked that.
butterflynin: But when you stopped being different---being you---she couldn't deal
butterflynin: none of us could
konohashadowman: So what's it to you now?
butterflynin: Is it so wrong that I want you to be happy?
konohashadowman: *sighs*
konohashadowman: I'm not happy without her...
butterflynin: You don't need to tell me.
konohashadowman: Look...
konohashadowman: I'm sorry alright... I just....
konohashadowman: I need to get away for a while.
butterflynin: Yeah, I know.
butterflynin: I worry about you sometimes, ass.
konohashadowman: no need to worry, I just need to get my frustrations out sometimes
butterflynin: *coughhandjobcough*
konohashadowman: shut the fuck up....
butterflynin: *angelic smile*
butterflynin: dude, I'm spending too much time with Ino
butterflynin: Her deviousness is rubbing off like whoa
konohashadowman: Well sorry if I can't have the enjoyable sex drive that you two have right now....
konohashadowman: Though....sometimes...
konohashadowman: I miss just being with her more....
butterflynin: Sometimes what?
butterflynin: I understand
konohashadowman: Once....just once I'd like to hold her again and not have her push me away. For her to want to be in my arms instead of thinking it's just weird.
butterflynin: Don't make me tear up, man. It won't be pretty.
konohashadowman: Like hell that made you cry....
konohashadowman: please....I'm not that poetic
butterflynin: Shika, you think I don't get it? That sometimes I get scared I'm going to lose her? I mean...I'm fat and obnoxious. I know better than to think I'm going to be 'the one' for Ino. Every time I hold her, I'm terrified it's going to be the last time.
konohashadowman: But you still have her to hold...
konohashadowman: I don't have anything.....
konohashadowman: Ino knows what she has, she won't let you go so easily buddy...
konohashadowman: Me I must be downright amazing to get rid of so fast....
butterflynin: Shika.
butterflynin: Seriously.
butterflynin: Stop it.
konohashadowman: Feh
butterflynin: I'm gonna go get something to drink. I feel a stomachache coming on. Too much worry's bad for the Chou, I guess.
konohashadowman: I have the headache....I suppose I should find some happy white pills or I'll sure as hell be feeling it tomorrow....
butterflynin: We're so gimp.
konohashadowman: what are you talking about, those pills are a god right now....
konohashadowman: I'm just tired of these lousy ass headaches
butterflynin: Know of anything that cures stomach cramps?
konohashadowman: Other than tea or the shrew's deer concoxion...no.
butterflynin: I need to stop packing on blubber or Ino's really going to leave me. Eeeesh.
konohashadowman: night buddy
butterflynin: night. I'm going to go get me a midnight snack
butterflynin: not a hypocrite, stfu.
konohashadowman: no hanging this over my head tomorrow....I have to do this...in my own time....
konohashadowman: I'll talk to you later
butterflynin: no problem
butterflynin: I'm just glad that you got your head out of your ass
butterflynin: and you're being a little more logical
konohashadowman: It wasn't up my ass....it was just temporarily lodged witht he black clouds
konohashadowman: fuck whatever you ass...*smiles slightly*
butterflynin: Eh, fuck you, too
konohashadowman: bye
butterflynin: bye

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 04:33:07 GMT

Valentines. Happy heart day. Should be called Fuck Day. Why? It's pointless and a gimmick for all the current couples to spend loads of money they don't have on each other. Not to mention what else they do...
Also another day for the rest of us losers that have no life, have no romance to want to gag and shoot anything that comes in pairs. Also what the hell is up with the pink and red? Please. I've seen enough of those colors in Ino's closet in shoes, skirts and accessories alone.

Naruto I have to say buddy, besides the fact that you woke me up from my nap in class with that prank...worth it. Completely worth being able to cut class and look at the clouds. That was until a shadow loomed over and sucked the sunlight from my otherwise nice day. Temari babe, don't wear white next time. I can get away with it, you girls however...can be a distraction.

1. Full Name: Nara Shikamaru
2. Nicknames: Shika, Bambi (unfortunately)
3. Birthday: September 22
4. Place of Birth: Konoha, Japan
5. Zodiac Sign: Virgo
6. Male or Female: Male
7. Grade: Junior at Konoha High
8. School: Konoha High
9. Occupation: Physics Researcher
10. Residence: At home with the shrew and the old man
11. Screen Name: konohashadowman
12. Hair Color: black
13. Hair Length: shorter now because of some stupid ass kid…
14. Eye color: brown
15. Best Feature: hell if I know…hair?
16. Height: 5'8"
17. Braces: hell no
18. Glasses: yes, apparently I’m blind *grumbles*
19. Piercing: two in ears, nipple piercings
20. Tattoos: one, on my hip (stupid ass Nara tradition)
21. Righty or Lefty: right
22. First best friend: Would have to be Chouji and Ino. Though sorry Ino I can’t talk to you about everything, even if our random conversations end up always about sex…what the hell?
23. First Award: Chess Tournament at 6
24. First Sport You Joined: Sports? Too much effort
25. First pet: The bird my mother had that my cat ate. Was a tramatic experience at 3.
26. First Real Vacation: Can I take one now? Beach with the old goats. Almost drowned my ass out in the water. Jellyfish are scary things…
27. First Concert: eh, so loud….
28. First Love: I’d rather not talk about this one…
29. Movie: Young & Dangerous
30. TV Show: Discovery Channel
31. Colors: Green
32. Rapper: Uh….damn do I have to admit this? sometimes when I sing
33. Band: Placebo, LiVE, Finger Eleven, Papa Roach, Deftones, Eve 6, Stabbing Westward...
34. Song Right Now: “Selling the Drama” by LiVE
35. Friend: You just asked this
36. Candy: not much for candy, but cinnamon is good…
37. Sport to Play: I just said it was too much effort
38. Restaurant: Anywhere with good fish, preferably Blue Fin
39. Favorite brand to wear: Feh, clothes are clothes…
40. Store: Don’t shop…
41. School Subject: Sleep through all of them, but science is fascinating if I had a teacher that made it interesting….
42. Animal: cat
43. Book: Good Omens
44. Magazine: magazines are full of nonsense, unless they are science ones…
45. Shoes: boots
46. Feeling: tired
47. Single or Taken?: that’s a shit question, single obviously….
48. Have a crush: not answering
49. Eating: Ramen…
50. Drinking: water
51. Typing: apparently
52. Online: apparently
53. Listening To: “Lightening Crashes” by LiVE
54. Thinking About: how to change things…
55. Wanting To: sleep
56. Watching: nothing but this bright screen
57. Wearing: pajama pants, no shirt
58. Want Kids?: one day
59. Want to be Married?: yes, one day
61. Where do you want to live: Konoha
62. Car: what about it? Has a nice backseat *grumbles and mutters about it*
63. Hair color: I’m not answering repeated questions, look up….
64. Hair length: up..
65. Eye color: up….
66. Measurements: *raises eyebrow* of what? Not going there..
67. Cute or Sexy: if you mean me…neither
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: both when I get them…
70. Short or Tall: in between
71. Easygoing or serious: easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: both are troublesome….
73. Fatty or Skinny: how about healthy?
74. Sensitive or Loud: sensitive is fine, loud is troublesome…
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship, though I’m shit for those…
76. Sweet or Caring: same fucking thing…
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: I don’t like trouble..
78. Kissed a Stranger: no
79. Had Alcohol: unfortunatly
80. Smoked: A whole pack in the last three days
81. Ran Away From Home: I’d like to…
82. Broken a bone: yes
83. Got an X-ray: yes
84. Been with someone: *mutters* yes
85. Broken Someone's Heart: yes
86. Broke Up With Someone: *big sigh* yes…well more like them with me…
87. Cried When Someone Died: men don’t cry
88. Cried At School: never
89. God: there’s a higher power defiantly…he is out to get me right now….
90. Miracles: maybe
91. Love At First sight: Is there love? I don’t know anymore…
92. Ghosts: no
93. Aliens: feh are you kidding me?
94. Soul Mates: yes
95. Heaven: yes
96. Hell: yes
97. Angels: maybe
98. Kissing on The First Date: I suppose…
99. Horoscopes: scary
100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't have?: Trick question? Not answering…

In the last 24 hours have you..
1. Had sex: A pretty big yes
2. Bought something: cigarettes
3. Gotten sick: *grumbles* yes
4. Sang: no
5. Been kissed: yes
6. Ate something: yes
7. Felt stupid: feeling just stupid doesn’t cover it…
8. Talked to an ex: yeah
9. Missed someone: all the time

Last person who....
1. Slept in your bed: does the cat count? Otherwise I’m always alone
2. Saw you cry: Chouji
3. Went to the movies with: I work at the damn movies, I don’t have to see them…
4. You went to the mall with: I said I don’t shop

Have You Ever...
1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: Always
2. Got in a fight with your pet: she knows better…
3. Been to California: no
4. Been to Mexico: no
5. Been to Japan: I live here, ass...
6. Been to Canada: no
7. Been to New York: no

Random...
1. Do you have a crush on someone: Crushes are for silly high school romances…
2. What book are you reading now: don’t feel like reading right now
3. Worst feeling in the world: Not having control
4. Future KIDS names: Seems to be the Nara tradition to start with "Shik"...our families are strange...Who says I will follow tradition? Ah hell it's too troublesome not to...
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Hell no
6. What's under your bed: my school books
7. Favorite sports to watch: I don’t like to play sports who says I watch them?
8. Favorite Location: Konoha
9. Piercing/Tattoos: I already answered this, and I don’t like to repeat answers as much as reading the questions. Scroll up you dumbass….
10. Do you drink: trying to stop
11. What are you most afraid of right now: Losing myself
12. Where do you want to get married: does it matter location?
13. Who do you really hate: No one at the moment, maybe myself…
14. Do you have a job? Theater
15. Do you like being around people: yes
16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: I’m not admitting to that
17. Have you ever cried: yes
18. Are you lonely right now: definate
19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: “Every You and Every Me” by Placebo
20. Done an all-nighter: no
21. Been on radio/TV?: no
22. Been in a mosh-pit: no
23. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends:...yeah
24. Have you ever fought: yes
25. Do you have regrets: plenty
26. Whats in your cd player right now: Throwing Copper - LiVE
28. Like your job: hate it with a passion
29. If there's one thing you hate the most about people what is it: Not being honest
30. Was this worth your time: hell no, gives me a headache

Tomorrow is work at the abyss. It sucks my brain of any intelligent life. Damn kids need to get a life...and damn it I am not wearing that stupid ass hat...

Fucking hell.....

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 21:36:47 GMT

Fuck. So life is a big shit. I think someone is out to get me, to make me miserable. Seriously, this is starting to get old. Can you shine your magnifying glass on someone else? This ant is tired of being burned.

So last night was a bitch. I was not in a pleasant mood. I'm still not. If I could ever fuck things over again, seems I do it just right.

I have a headache....

Laying his apron down on the counter Shikamaru lazily walked to the back to clock out. Brushing off the popcorn debris from his shirt he grabbed his keys and made his way to the lobby.

Temari walked out of the theatre with a few of her friends, laughing at the fact that half of them were weirded out and the other half were crying like little babies. Crazy Brokeback movie. She checked in her purse for her cigarettes, needing one after 2 1/2 hours of not being able to smoke. She knew she'd probably barely make it out of the lobby.

He saw her fumbling with her purse, and chuckled. "Need a light?" he said smoothly, knowing what she was looking for.

"Yeah, I can't find my--the hell?!" she snapped, looking up. "When did you--what--I--your hair."

He rolled his eyes handing her the lighter from his back pocket.

Temari shoved his hand away from her. "What did you do?"

"Would you quit gawking at me like I grew a third eye..." he grumbled. "I did nothing..."

"Like hell!" she replied. "You cut your hair!" She reached out automatically, putting her fingers in the shorter locks.

"I didn't cut it..."

"Did you burn it off?!"

He rolled his eyes again. "Yeah I took this lighter and just went pyro on myself..." he said flatly. "Some kid threw a wad of gum in my hair the other day..."

"Seriously?" she asked him. "So you had to go and cut it?" She was still tugging on different parts of his hair, staring at him incredulously.

"With that fucking wad of gum...oh hell yes. Try getting one the size of a golf ball out of a ponytail. Not easy...."

"Geez," she hissed, flicking his shorter bangs around. "But it was so...so long."

"And now it's not. It's not the end of the world" he said carefully watching as she continued to pet his hair.

"But..." Temari sighed heavily. "Aren't you pissed? At all?"

He shrugged. "I was...this is less to deal with..."

"Yeah, but..." she sighed again, pushing all of his bangs in front of his face. "Didn't it take you forever to grow it out?"

"It'll grow back out in time..." he said with another shrug.

She shoved his bangs over his eyes. "Well, it looks good on you. A little shocking, though...never thought I'd see you actually change your hair..."

"Oh wow did I just get a compliment?"

"Ahaha," she returned, laughing in a flat tone. "Am I not allowed to say that?" </font>

He gave her a slick smile, "Ah I never said that, just surprising..."

She rolled her eyes, placing a dark-papered cigarette between her lips. "Well, if it's going to make you all pompous, remind me to never do it again."

He rubbed the back of his head for a minute. "It feels strange...being down and not able to put it up..."

She shrugged. "You can still put it up. You'd just have...bangs. And it would look...well, kind of girly."

He grumbled giving a glare in her direction. "Ah well I guess it wouldn't be too off from usual..." he said with a sigh.

She grinned around her cigarette. "Whatever. It still looks...well, really damn good on you. I like the change." She flicked her lighter a few times, not caring that she was still very much inside the theater. She'd be leaving soon enough.

"Hmmm" he said in a sarcastic tone with a light chuckle at the end. Twirling the key ring around his finger he asked, "What are your plans now?"

"Go off and have a smoke. Maybe a drink. You still working?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow as she tilted her head to point in the direction she was walking.

"Just got off" he said with a sly grin on his face.

"Did you?" she asked, her tone implying something else as she raised her eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at her crude comment. "Do you always think with your head in the gutter? Damn..." he grumbled, "I meant from work..."

She laughed cheerily. "I know what you meant!" she replied, opening the door. "C'mon, I'm gonna get kicked out." The smoke trailed out of her mouth as she spoke.

Shikamaru followed her out the door and into the parking lot. "So..." he said standing with his arms crossed.

She shrugged. "So? You up for hanging out? Or do you have a date or something with your new sexy hair?"

He looked off to the side. "Ah well, I've had a few offers..." he said lying. "But I suppose I could work you into my night...."

Temari raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Gonna fit me in between your nine and your ten-fifteen?"

"Yeah unless you want the later time?"

"Ah, I guess I'll take what I can get, if you're so damn busy, Cassanova."

He smiled, shaking his head as he started to his car. "Ah taking on so many girls in one night, it's going to wear me out..."

"Oh no!" Temari feigned worry. "However will you catch your regular eighteen hours of sleep?"

He put his hand on the back of his neck. "Guess I'll have to sleep in my car and in between classes."

Temari shook her head, laughing as she blew smoke out of the side of her mouth in a long stream.

"Where to?" he said opening the door to his car.

She shrugged, leaning against the roof of his car to look at him. "Somewhere I can get a vodka martini," she told him, throwing out a lopsided grin.

"Get in" he said grumbling as he started up the car.

Opening her door, Temari slid into the passenger seat, tossing her bag to the floor and rolling down the window to hang her arm out of it as she smoked.

He pulled out his own cigarette and lit it before pulling out of the parking lot.

"Can you drive and smoke at the same time?" Temari asked him.

"It's called multi-tasking..." he said letting the smoke out of his mouth.

She chuckled. "Yeah, but you usually can't drive even with two hands."

"That's only when I'm distracted...."

"Hm." She blew smoke from her nose, ignoring the burning feeling it left behind. "Hey, if it bothers you, we don't have to go to a bar. I forget you probably shouldn't be around any alcohol."

"It's fine...." he said in a rougher voice than he expected.

She glanced over at him. "You don't sound so sure," she replied. "It's cool if you don't want to."

"I don't care" he snapped lightly as he took the cigarette out of his mouth and held it. He huffed his bangs out of his face.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Obviously you do."

"Shut up..." he said sticking the cigarette back in his mouth as he pulled up to the bar parking lot. "It's not like I have to drink...." he mumbled.

"Yeah, but it's still more tempting when you're around it," she replied. "And don't tell me to shut up! I'm just looking out for you!"

"Feh" he said turning off the engine and opening his door. "Do you want your drink or not?" he grumbled stepping out of the car.

"I do," she replied, opening her door and stepping out, snubbing out her cigarette in the pavement. "Only if you're okay with it. And not fake okay with it. Which I can tell the difference."

"Get going..." he said pushing her lightly to the door.

"Oi!" she groused, tripping a bit as he pushed her. She looked over her shoulder, frowning at him.

As they finally reached their way into the bar, he took a seat.

Temari sat down at the bar, ordering up a martini for herself before turning to Shikamaru. "You want a coke?" she asked him.

He waved his hand about, "Fine" he said resting his chin in his hand, elbow on the counter.

Leaning over to catch the bartender again, she ordered up a coke, as well. He leaned closer to confirm her order, and she glanced at him for a second before nodding.

Shikamaru leaned back against the counter, both elbows resting on it behind him. He huffed the bangs out of his face again. He wasn't used to them at all.

Temari grinned, flicking his bangs out of his face with a few fingers. She pulled out another cigarette, copying his stance.

"Can't get enough of the hair?" he said looking over at her.

She frowned. "You seem annoyed by it," she told him, standoffish once again.

"I am" he said sternly.

"I'd say shave it," she continued, "but you'd look pretty ridiculous."

"No disagreement there..." he said looking at her and smiling slightly.

She laughed, shaking her head as she took her drink from the bartender with a nod. She held the thin glass delicately, taking a sip and ignoring how strong it was.

Shikamaru picked up his drink, nodding to the bartender as he placed it to his lips. He downed a good bit of it before noticing it wasn't just an ordinary coke. This one had a kick to it. This one had alcohol to it. He grumbled slightly and kept drinking. Oh shit, no one had to know...

Temari grinned behind her glass, tapping Shikamaru in the ankle with her foot.

He sat his now empty glass on the counter and asked the bartender for another. "What do you want?" he said looking over to the grinning girl.

She shrugged. "Nothin'," she replied, setting her glass down as she leaned on the bar. "How's everything?"

He tried his best to ignore her short skirt and the way it moved when she leaned on the bar. "Everything entailing what?" he asked leaning back against the counter.

"Whatever. How're things with you and InoChou?"

"Fine...I'd just rather not hear about their sex life" he grumbled looking off to the side at the people around them.

She laughed, taking another sip of her drink. "Yeah, I can imagine. Sometimes Kankuro tells me those things..."

He grumbled again turning to take the second coke from the bartender.

"Mm, it's not that bad, though. Just ignore it. How about things with your dad?"

"He's gone right now...."

She nodded silently, downing the rest of her martini and asking quickly for another. She leaned over on the bar, her low-cut sweater showing off more than she was aware.

He cleared his throat as he happened to catch her low cut sweater. He nudged her in the leg with his knee.

She looked over at him, eyes half-lidded as the alcohol started to kick in. "Hm?"

He tugged on her sweater a bit. "Want to draw in more attention?"

"Hm?" she repeated, glancing down. "Oh." She tugged up on her sweater a bit, covering more of herself. "I don't notice."

"Everyone else in front of you did" he said with a grin before downing half of the new coke.

She raised an eyebrow. "You mean that bartender?" she asked, nodding to him as he handed her a new martini. "He's gay."

He turned in his seat facing her now, drinking what was left of his coke. Scooting his chair up, he ran a finger across her leg. "So what's with the skirt?"

She glanced down at his hand, drinking from her new glass. "It's a nice day," she answered coolly.

"Someone could find it offensive you know?"

She leaned toward him a little, a smile on her face. "Do you?"

He gulped lightly looking down, then back to her face. "No," he said sternly.

She shrugged, sitting up straight again, her glass to her lips. "Then what's the problem?"

"I'm just saying someone may find it offensive" he said. "Lot of skin showing for such a late night on the town."

"Come on. I'm not even showing that much," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm wearing long sleeves, even."

"Your legs are not quite as covered as your arms..." he said running a finger across her thigh again.

"You don't seem to have much of a problem with it," she replied, placing her hand over his and moving it up a little on her thigh.

He smirked lightly, hand still in place. "No I don't..." he said with confidence.

"Then don't complain," she murmured, removing her hand and lifting her glass back up to drink from.

"I'm not complaining," he said smirk still set on his face.

"Lies," she muttered around the rim of her glass, wondering if she shouldn't get a margarita next. "Or maybe you just want to cop a feel, hm?"

He removed his hand. "I have better manners than that. You're the one that pulled my hand up higher. Maybe you’re the one dying for a grope" he huffed, blowing his bangs out of his face again.

She shrugged. "Maybe I am. But you're the one that put your hand there to begin with, Nara. So what does that say about you?"

"I was making a valid point" he replied back.

"Mhm," she replied, finishing her second martini and tapping her fingers on the bar to get a new drink. She ended up going with the margarita. While waiting for it, she lit up another cigarette.

He nudged her again with his knee. "I don't want you like that anymore...." he said, eyes down at his feet.

She raised an eyebrow as she looked to him, smoke trailing from the corner of her mouth as she spoke. "Then don't touch my legs," she replied.

"I won't..." he said nose in the air, fully intent on trying to ignore her.

"Aww," she sounded, flicking his hair out of his face with her fingers. "Too bad."

"Why is that bad?" he said still not looking at her. She had to be so damn hard to ignore.

She shrugged again, smiling at the bartender when he handed her the new drink. "No reason," she answered off-handedly.

"Has to be a reason"

"Does there?" she asked him, running her tongue along the rim of her glass to catch the salt before she began to drink.

He glanced at her for a second, seeing her dart out her tongue over the glass. "There you go with that offensive attention again...." he said turning his head away again.

She dipped her tongue out, catching a few drops of liquid from her lips as she looked to him. "I'm drinking a margarita," she told him. "You know how to drink tequila, right?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Why?"

"Salt first, then drink." She demonstrated, twisting the glass in her hand as she licked off some salt and then drank a good bit of her margarita.

He watched her carefully, eyes trying not to linger too much longer than they should. "You just want attention" he finally said crossing his arms, huffing his hair out of his face for the fortieth time that night.

She shrugged, a smile coming to her features. "Do I want it, or are you just giving it to me?"

"I'm not giving you anything"

"If you say so," she replied coolly, bringing her glass back to her lips to take another drink.

He sighed. His eyesight was getting slightly blurry. It didn't help that he forgot the put in his contacts that morning, and he couldn't remember if he had his glasses with him or not. "Feh" he mumbled out.

She raised an eyebrow at him, drinking more of her margarita. Honestly, she was finding it hard to come back with smartass answers. Repeating herself saved some time to come up with something. She was starting to feel pretty trashed.

He nudged her again. He kept wanting to touch her in some way, but tried to play it off as just a friendly kick, if you could call it that. Damn if he wasn't having a hard time staying away from her when she wasn't even two feet away.

Temari leaned her leg against his, touching from knee to ankle, but didn't turn to face him. The closeness was nice, and he was right, she did miss it. She missed being like this with someone, especially since she wasn't talking to Ari anymore. She continued to drink from her glass, going around it as the salt disappeared onto her tongue, silent.

Had she gotten closer? he thought. As her leg stayed brushed up against his, he started to feel his heart pick up a little. He only nodded to the bartender and shook his glass around a bit for another. As a fresh glass was placed in front of him he drank it. Third round, he would be okay right? His vision got more blurry and his head started to pound slightly in his temples. Wrong, he was getting so far gone.

"Why'd you come out with me tonight, Shika?" Temari asked him quietly, looking at the different alcohol bottles behind the bar.

"Because I had nothing better to do..." he lied as he drank the last bit of his third glass. The taste was starting to numb his tongue. He couldn't even tell the difference anymore.

"That seems to be a common thing with you," she muttered.

"What's the answer your looking for. Oh I can't get enough of you and just have to be around you hoping that you might come back...." he said sarcastically laying his chin on his arms that were propped up on the counter.

"A girl does like to feel special every once in a while," she commented lightly, her mind fuzzy from the alcohol.

"What don't have your boy toy to make you feel special?" he asked in a grumbling voice.

"I don't keep those for very long," she replied lightly, only halfway telling the truth. She hadn't brought Ari around since she'd started talking to Shikamaru again. Shit, that sounded fucked up.

"Well isn't that a damn shame..." he stated.

"Hm." She didn't really want to expound on that.

He nudged again.

She nudged him back. "What?"

"Nothing" he said calmly moving her leg with his hand this time.

She put her hand over his, nudging him back. "Whatever."

He chuckled, putting his other hand over his mouth, elbow up on the bar to muffle it. "You like me touching you don't you?" he said moving his hand away from her leg.

She smacked him in the arm. "Not necessarily you," she commented, looking away.

"Oh that's right....you prefer the stupid ones..."

"That's actually wrong," she replied. "I prefer someone I can carry on a conversation with, thank you."

"You mean you're having conversation when someone's touching you?"

"Well, it depends on what kind of touching you mean," Temari said. "If it's just like this..." She placed her hand on his thigh, pushing his leg away from hers a bit. "That's different than, well...something else."

"Something else?" he said in a curious tone.

"I’m not demonstrating that," she replied.

"Well your no fun...." he grumbled laying his head down on his arms, feeling his hair just kind of lay on his neck. It was odd. He wasn't used to it.

Temari leaned over and ruffled the hair at the back of his head, mussing it up. "Not in public, anyway."

His shoulders slumped a little more. "That feels good" he said in a quiet, yet breathy tone.

"What?" she asked. "Me making your hair a mess?"

"Keep messing...." he said closing his eyes.

"I don't think everyone wants hair in their shots," she told him, brushing his hair back into place with her fingers.

"So why do you still hang around me?" he said in a casual voice.

"Cos I enjoy your company, ya jerk," she said, continuing to pull her fingers through his short hair.

"You used to enjoy more than that" he said with a sleepy smirk on his face.

"Mm, I did," she said, leaning down to get close to his face. "Things change, though."

His smirk turned to a frown. He was starting to doze off and on. "I hate change...." he said in a slurred, sleepy voice.

"A lot of people do," she said quietly, leaning back up to get more of her drink as she continued combing through his hair with her other hand.

With her constant petting it was slowly lulling him to sleep. Without even realizing he'd spoken, "Do you miss me?" traveled out of his mouth in a quiet voice.

She set her glass down very slowly, leaning in so her lips grazed his ear as she pulled his hair away. "Every day," she whispered, moving back quickly as if nothing happened.

His body shivered slightly as she brushed against his ear. His eyes still closed he wanted to sleep. Sleep and forget that things were never going to change back, no matter how much he wanted it to. He was comfortable with her. He felt like she really knew him. He just couldn't have her anymore.

"I'll be right back," she mumbled, getting up off of her stool with a bit of difficulty, walking toward the back of the bar to fumble her way into the bathroom.

"Okay" he mumbled out drifting off into a sleep.

Temari leaned over the sink, gripping the sides as she stared at the drain. Her head was spinning. She shouldn't have gotten so drunk. She knew she couldn't control her mouth like this. She'd just say anything. She took a damp paper towel, running it over the back of her neck before tossing it in the trash can, making her way back to the bar. "Hey," she greeted quietly, a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder. She picked up her glass, finishing off her drink at a slow, steady pace.

"Huh?" he asked drifting back to consciousness again.

"Wanna get outta here?" she asked him, taking her finger to pick up the last of the salt, bringing it into her mouth.

After hearing a loud clank of glasses and beer containers dropped down on the counter just beside him, his head shot up. Adjusting his eyes again to the well lit room he sat up, eyes focusing from the ground up. To say he didn't keep a glimpse on her short skirt for a moment longer than he should have, would have been a lie. "You really shouldn't wear such clothes...." he said finally making his way back to her face with his eyes.

She smirked at him, taking her finger from her mouth. "Why? Can't remember my face is up here?"

"It's that mouth of yours that reminds me" he said with a smirk to match hers.

"Hm." She waved at the bartender once more, picking up their tab for the night. "Well, I'm glad you remember something, at least."

"I remember a lot of things...."

"Oh?" she asked him, raising an eyebrow as she handed the bartender a few bills.

"Just not how to get home at the moment" he said putting a hand to his head. He turned his head looking at her and motioned for her to come closer.

Temari blinked. "Are you drunk?!" she asked, gasping at him as she moved closer. "What?"

He motioned with his finger for her to lean in.

She gave him an exaggerated, suspicious look, leaning in.

"There's a reason you shouldn't wear skirts like this..." he whispered in her ear as he grabbed her rear lightly.

Temari grinned, throwing an arm over his shoulder as she leaned closer to whisper back. "I think that's a pretty good reason why I should."

He released his grip from her and stumbling off the stool with a grin on his face.

Temari laughed, falling forward and grabbing onto his shoulders so she didn't fall face-first onto the floor. "You're so drunk," she told him plainly.

"So are you baby...." he said as they finally reached the outside.

"But I'm allowed~" she replied, belatedly slapping him in the back. "And don't call me baby..."

"I'll call you whatever name I like" he said huffing his hair out of his face and fumbling with the keys to his car.

"But then what do I get to call you~?" she whined, leaning over his shoulder to push his hair away from his face.

: Without looking back at her, the corner of his mouth turned up with a devious smirk. "Whatever you want" he said in a husky voice.

Temari laughed, a dark sound in her throat. "Oh, really?" she whispered, her mouth close to his ear.

"Only if you can back up your words...." he said, his skin prickling at her breathe against his ear. He fumbled with the keys some more only to drop them on the ground. "Shit...." he mumbled.

Temari laughed, moving so she could lean against the back door on the driver's side. She swung her purse around at her knees, watching him. "You have no control at all."

Leaning down on the ground to get his keys, he realized his balance wasn't all there. He got on his knees and fished around for them, being that they had fallen under the car. "What are you talking about?" he said to her, brows furrowed.

She waved her purse in his direction. "You can't even hold on to your key ring, Shika~"

Getting his hands on the keys finally he stood up slowly. "Shut up" he said glaring at her hard.

She shrugged, leaning back heavily against the door, sighing. "Whatever you say..."

"Damn straight" he said fumbling to get the key in the door, trying to not pay attention to her and how she was leaning against the door.

"Oh?" she asked him, placing her foot up against the bottom of the car.

He finally got the door open only to realize as he sat down that he was getting tired. He moved to the backseat of the car and laid down. That and he needed to do his best to ignore her right now.

"Hey!" she snapped, pushing at his legs. "Heeey~"

"What you noisy woman?" he grumbled. "I'm trying to sleep..."

"But I wanted to lay down~" she whined, pouting at him as she continued to push his feet back, trying to make him as uncomfortable as possible. "C'mon~"

"Stop pestering me!"

"Then move!"

"No!"

"Move!"

"This is my car....NO!"

She pushed his feet apart so he would have to look at her pout. "Please?"

He laughed at her, "What are you begging me for?"

"Cos I wanna lie down~" she whined. "Don't laugh at me!"

"Find another car to lay in...." he grumbled.

"But got a ride into town!" she argued. "My car is at home still!"

"So lay up front...." he grumbled refusing to budge.

"I can't lay up front! Unless you want me to crush you with the seat, then..." She shut the back door on him, crawling over the driver's seat and beginning to bend the passenger seat back over his face, not caring that she was about to probably break his nose.

He pushed at the seat so that it wouldn't crush him. "Alright!" he huffed out.

"What?" she whined again, not bothering to control her tone. She held out vowel sounds when she was drunk, and laughed just a little louder. Of course, she was drunk, so she didn't really care.

"You can lay back here" he grumbled sitting up so that there was room.

"But you're back there," she pointed out.

"What am I supposed to do? Lay on the roof? The trunk? Come on Temari...." he wined. "It's cold, I'm comfortable. Deal."

"No!" She sounded like a whining toddler. She knew this. In the back of her mind, she realized she probably shouldn't lay in the back of a car with Shikamaru, who had been drinking as well. But he did say it was cold, and he did say he was comfortable. It was a very hard decision for her to make. But she would put her foot down. "I don't 'deal'."

He grumbled leaning forward and grabbing her, pulling her in the backseat. Once she was back there, he flipped the seat back up and sat back down. "Deal," he said dark eyes meeting hers, with as stern a face as he could give drunk.

Temari laughed at the serious expression on his face, punching him lightly in the shoulder. At least she thought it was lightly.

He took her hands and held them down at her sides. "Stop being so damn violent..." he grumbled out.

Temari frowned as he incapacitated her. "I'm always violent," she replied. "If I wasn't, you wouldn't like me." Her eyes widened a fraction at that. Hm. "I can still kick you, though!" she replied, trying to blow off the fact that she had just said that.

"Don't you dare..."

She grinned cheekily at him, saying nothing.

"Temari shit I just want to sleep. Be still" he wined. "You kick me and its payback..."

"Payback, huh?" she asked him, leaning forward a bit, her face close to his.

"Yeah" he said low and breathy as he realized the proximity they were in. He released her hands slowly.

Temari's hands stayed down. She tilted her head slightly. "Like what?" she asked him, voice quiet.

"Something....." he said, drawing out the word. She was so close, he thought.

"If it's not good enough, then I'll kick you," she told him. She paused for a second, glancing away. "If it's really good, I might just kick you anyway."

He started to chuckle, his mind getting the best of him. Only he couldn't stop laughing. He sat back against the door, one leg propped up on the seat, the other down on the floor.

Temari sat back a bit, leaning her side against the back seat. Her right foot shot out idly, catching him in the ankle. Her eyes widened.

His hand jerked out and held her foot down. "No kicking..." he said sternly.

"It was an accident," she told him, pressing her foot against his hand.

"Yeah sure. A reflex that got out of control..." he said, as his hand moved up from her foot to mid calf.

She nodded, a small sound getting caught in the back of her throat as his hand moved up her leg. What was he doing...?

He leaned forward, hand sliding up a bit more as he moved. When he was close to her face, he whispered in her ear, "Can you keep your reflexes from doing damage?"

Her hand fell on his shoulder, holding him back a few inches. "I can't control reflexes," she told him quietly.

"Really?" he said leaning in again, his mouth just barely grazing her earlobe, unintentional he thought. His hand seemed to move on its own accord as well.

She nodded slightly, her face in the crook of his neck, buried in his hair. Her hand slid down to his back, pulling him closer to her. She was leaned back slightly, and her other hand had to fall back to brace herself.

His breath shuddered at her touch. His mind was clouded. As he leaned his head back from her neck he paused at looked at her for a moment. Deep in the back of his mind he was thinking, shit what is happening? He brought his lips just a mere distance from hers, anticipating.

"I told you I shouldn't have come back here," she whispered, her lips barely touching his as she spoke.

He kissed her softly at first, just a small tease here and there with his tongue. His breath getting hot and ragged with each move. His hand moved from her leg and rested beside her now, feeling an urgency to get closer to her. The longer he kissed her, the hungry he got for her.

Temari hand moved from Shikamaru's shoulder to the side of his face, coaxing his mouth open wider as she kissed him. Her fingers wound in his hair behind his ear, her thumb on his jaw. As he let go of her leg she moved it up, pinning him against the backseat with her knee.

He made a slight grunt in the back of his throat as her tongue tangled with his. She tasted of alcohol and cloves, but right now he didn't care. His mind was on one thing, and it was her. His body pressed slightly more down on her as he fought to get closer.

With a strangled cry, Temari fell to her elbow, hoping to God she didn't hit her head on the way back. Her grip on Shikamaru kept him close to her, the kiss only breaking for a moment so that she wouldn't bite down on his tongue. She gasped for air as they parted, her blue eyes dark and hazy as she looked up at him. She couldn't really see much - the car was completely dark and the streetlamps in Konoha were a mellow, golden color, so he looked more like a shadow looming over her.

He moved back slightly, pulling her down so that she was more comfortable, and her head not sitting up on the door handle. His mouth found hers again as he lay down on top of her, causing friction everywhere. As cold as it had been, it was starting to warm up in that car really fast. His tongue found its way back into her mouth, not being able to get enough of her. His hands trailed up her thighs tugging her hips closer to his.

Temari panted, her head involuntarily jerking away from his as their hips met. Her right hand scrambled for something to hold onto, finally gripping the back of the seat in front of her. "Shika..." Her other hand tugged on the front of his shirt, pulling his face toward hers again, her tongue meeting his before their lips did.

He sat up slightly pulling his shirt off. It was getting too hot to deal with. His hair felt strange on the back of his neck, much shorter and not up. He leaned back down on her, his hand riding up her thigh underneath, eager for her to wrap her legs around him. He kissed her again, only to trail his tongue down her neck, as his other hand moved up her shirt.

She dragged her nails over his bare shoulder, moving down his arm as she drew in a ragged breath. She turned her face into the upholstery, murmuring random strings of words, her Suna accent thicker when drunk as she arched her back against the seat, drawing her body closer to his.

He made a low growl, small and almost not able to be heard as his lips moved sleekly across her neck and down her collarbone. Her sweater was only one more article of clothing in his way of him getting what he wanted at that moment. Frustrated with it, he continued to leave hot kisses, as his fingers smoothly moved their way up the tank top as best he could. He needed skin to skin contact, and this wasn't helping. Shikamaru's other hand still lay up her thigh, climbing higher and higher up her skirt until he was lightly playing with the hem of her underwear.

Temari's breath came shorter and shorter the more skin Shikamaru revealed. She pushed her bangs out of her face, ignoring the fact that they'd begun to stick to her forehead. It was getting hot in the cramped space, and she could feel a light sheen of sweat over her skin as she reached a hand down to hike her skirt up higher around her hips, giving him more access to her body.

His back felt hot, his face flushed and he couldn't get close enough. As Temari pulled her skirt up, his fingers went up under the hem, his hand slightly grabbing her rear, and his thumb lightly rubbing the skin under the garment. His kisses got more heated on her neck as he gently sucked the skin and slid his tongue over it.

Temari's hands gripped Shikamaru's sides, her face still turned into the back of the seat, muffling her panting moans. She lifted her hips to his hand, trying to get a more solid touch from him, anything to stop the hot feeling that was pooling low in her stomach.

Shikamaru's own voice was starting to get the best of him. This being the closest he had been to a girl in months, and it had always only been Temari. His voice finally slipped and he called out her name in a breathy voice in her ear. His hand left out from under her shirt and moved her face back to his. He looked only for a brief second before he brushed his lips over hers, and then dipped in for a kiss.

She kissed him back, her teeth grazing over his lower lip as her hand moved down between them, over the smooth planes of his torso until she reached his waistband. Fumbling, she began to undo his fly, wanting to have access to more of him.

He chuckled lightly, as he moved her hands away so he could lift her sweater and tank top up. His own teeth bumping hers lightly as he tried to still kiss her in between and after taking off the garments.

She lifted her shoulders up, moving her arms to help him take her shirts off. Once he did, she laid back down, pulling him to her in a fierce kiss. Her foot hooked around his knee, trying to keep him as close as possible.

His breathing started to get shorter as now he had the skin to skin contact he wanted. His hands roamed down her sides, one hand lifting up behind her back to push her even closer as their kisses got more heated with each movement.

Temari arched her back into him, reaching one hand away to scour over the floor of the car. She knew her purse was somewhere, and she knew she had a condom in there. It seemed to be escalating to that point, and quickly, and she wanted to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

Shikamaru opened his eyes slowly. It was still dark outside, meaning it hadn't been that much later since they left the bar. He awoke to find Temari rustling around in the car with her clothes. Shit, he thought. What happened?

Temari pulled her sweater on over her head, fixing her hair quietly, her head lowered. She heard Shikamaru move, but didn't look up.

Picking up his boxers that were lying on the floorboard beside him he put them on, followed by his pants. As he sat up more, his head started to spin. He looked at Temari, and cleared his throat. "I remember the bar..." he said. Not fully remembering much afterwards. Something happened, because his sexual frustration level was down.

Temari's head whipped around, blue eyes dark. "You're kidding me," she said, voice low.

He held his head in his hand trying to relieve the headache coming on. He found his shirt lying on the seat and pulled it over his head. "No..." he said quietly. This was bad. Shit this was bad.

She scoffed, leaning down and reaching around on the floor before coming up with what she was looking for. She tossed the empty condom wrapper in his lap before going back to making herself look presentable.

He picked up the wrapper from his lap and laid his head back to the seat. "Shit...." he muttered.

She laughed, but didn't sound amused. "At least we weren't completely stupid."

"Yeah but now I'm further up on your hate list" he said leaning his head back up, and started to look around for his keys.

She chose to ignore that comment, instead feeling around in the dark for the door handle.

"Shit be that way..." he fussed as he opened his door handle and stumbled to get out of the car. As soon as he stepped on the pavement his head really started to hurt. He propped a hand up against the door and tried to get it to stop. He was going to be sick, he knew it. Damn, it never failed, he could never hold it.

Temari growled, stepping out of the car and straightening out her skirt. If she started walking now, she could get to the campus in ten minutes. She figured it was probably best not to talk to Shikamaru at this point.

Trying to adjust his eyes and keep his vision from getting too blurry, he rested his hand on the door handle. Putting a hand to his stomach, he sat back down on the seat trying to control his body from freaking out like it always did after he'd drank alcohol. The back of his neck was starting to get hot and he wiped it with his hand. Damn he hated this.

"This is why you shouldn't drink!" Temari called smartly from the other side of the car, flicking her hair over her shoulder.

"Don't fucking patronize me now..." he said standing back up. He stood up too fast.

She checked her nails as she walked around the back of the car, leaning against the trunk. "You're the one that decided to drink. You know what it does to you."

"Don't put this all on me damn it. Is bitching at me going to make you feel better about what happened?" he snapped as he made his way to where there was grass outside the parking lot.

"No," she replied. "Never seeing you again might, though."

He stood there, hearing her words pass by like a breeze in the wind right before he finally released his stomach of its contents. He wiped his mouth off with the sleeve of his shirt, turning around and walking back. "Fine. Fucking hate me. I don't give a shit! Go back to your glamorous life then..." he said with a glare in her direction.

She placed a hand over her heart, feigning hurt. It was better to act caustic now, so he wouldn't see how hurt and confused she really was. "My glamorous life, huh? In my big house with all my money? Have Daddy buy me everything, is that it? I see."

"Forget it!" he said opening his car door. "Get in...." he snapped out.

"No!" she snapped back. "Why the hell would I get back in that car with you? I'd call a fucking cab first."

"So you can get back home idiot!"

"Fuck off! I'll walk to the University!"

"At this time of night?" he said spearing another glare at her.

"Yes, at this time of night!" she repeated, fishing around in her purse. She pulled out a cigarette and lit it before showing him her pepper spray. "See? I'm a prepared little Girl Scout. So just go home and don't fucking worry about me like you care or something."

"No apparently you fucking love me..." he said starting the car and pulling out of the parking space and parking in front of her. "Get in..." he said sternly.

She narrowed her eyes into thin slits. "I say things I don't mean when I'm drunk and in the middle of--" She cut herself off. Best not to mention it. "Don't take it too seriously."

"No it's just a fuck right?" he said narrowing his eyes back at her.

She crossed her arms against her chest, tapping her foot on the pavement. "Whatever it was, you certainly seemed to enjoy it."

"Oh and I guess just hearing my name rolling across your tongue meant you didn't?" he said leaning one arm out the window.

She rolled her eyes. "Look, if your name had been Yamato, that's what you'd have heard. So don't take it so personal."

He grumbled. "You don't call me Shika anymore...you did then...." he said pulling the car out of park, but still staying in place.

"So what?!" she asked, voice rising as she threw her arms in the air. "So what if I fucking did?! If you didn't notice, I was trashed! Completely!"

"Not so trashed to know it was me..." he snapped back. Amazing how he could be sick one minute, then things started to pour back into his mind. She had wanted him right?

Temari glared at him. "Are you going to continue to rub this in my face?" she asked him. "Because if you are, you can go to hell. Consider it a goodbye fuck." She blew the smoke out of her mouth angrily. "So...jaa."

His eyes narrowed in a glare as let go of the break and pulled out. "Fine" he said in a deathly angry and deep tone as he drove off.

Covering one eye with her hand, Temari moved up onto the sidewalk, pulling out her cell phone. Maybe she could call Gaara and get him to come pick her up. She didn't really feel like talking to Nori tonight, because the only thing she would tell her was "Good job fucking him over, now move on to the next guy." And honestly, she wasn't sure if that was the case. Her heart was in her throat, realizing she'd let her anger get the best of her yet again. She was angry with herself, mostly, for not stopping him. For not stopping herself. How could she do this? How could she fuck up something that was perfectly okay? It seemed to be a specialty of hers.

He tried to stay focused on the road, even if he'd only managed to get down a block. He slammed on breaks and laid his head on the steering wheel. Damn it. Damn it, he thought. Why did things have to get so complicated? He looked off, eyes slightly glazing. He shook his head and grumbled as he did a U-turn in the middle of the road and headed back to where she was. He saw her walking the sidewalk and he stopped the car again. "Get in the car Temari..." he said.

Temari closed her phone on Gaara's voicemail and threw it back in her purse. "Fuck you," she snapped, standing there.

"I'm not letting you walk back. Get in the car!" he demanded.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do!" she ground out, her anger rising again. She didn't care to control it anymore. She was too tired.

He sighed, hands still on the wheel. He felt a lump in his throat, as it always did when things got complicated like this. Damn her. Why did he have to care so much? Why couldn't he just stop loving her? Keeping his eyes still on the road ahead and not looking at her, Shikamaru lowered his head slightly. "Please..." he said in a soft yet hoarse voice. He tried to keep his emotions in check.

"I can take care of myself," she told him sharply, crossing her arms back against her chest. "Just go home."

"No" he replied back, his tone getting slightly sharper again.

"Go home!" she shouted, feeling the tears prick behind her eyes. She couldn't handle this right now. She didn't want to be anywhere near him. There were too many emotions, too many memories they'd unwittingly dredged up.

"Just let me take you home...." he said with a sigh. "Fifteen more minutes isn't going to kill you..."

She glanced over at him, meeting his stare. "This doesn't mean anything," she said carefully, her words slow.

"What me taking you home? Or the fact that I did something stupid?" he said calmly, trying to overcome his emotions. Trying to make it sound like less seemed to help, it just made him feel more like shit.

"It does take two people, you know," she told him caustically. "Don't you dare shoulder everything yourself."

"Whatever..." he said trying to forget the subject now. He was tired, and this situation was too troublesome.

"And I meant everything," she added. "You taking me home and...and before,” she said getting in the car.

He pulled off down the road. The radio was off, so nothing but the roar of the wheels on the road could be heard. "Why do you hate me so much?" he asked softly.

"Whoever said I hated you?" she replied, pulling out another cigarette and cracking her window open to let the smoke out.

"If this is the last time I talk to you I suppose you do..."

She sighed. "If I really hated you, I certainly wouldn't have gotten in this car, and you'd probably be driving off with a black eye."

"When Chouji finds out I drank, I'm sure I will be getting one...." he said sighing as he turned onto the interstate.

"I'd say don't tell him, but that's pretty much impossible," she replied. "...Why did you?"

"I just did." he said in a huff. "I didn't know it had anything in it until I drank it. By that point, I'd already downed over half a glass thinking it was coke. So what did it matter?" he said with a shrug.

Temari leveled a glance at him. "I don't know. Maybe the outcome of this whole night mattered? If you weren't drunk, do you really think this would have happened?"

Pulling his speed up to 75 on the lone interstate, he sighed again. Without looking over to her he spoke, "I don't know..."

Temari paused. She stopped mid-breath, choking on the smoke that got stuck in her lungs. Shit. Shit, he did not just say that.

Shit, did that just slip out? "It was just a fuck....as you said...." he said trying to keep the sting of tears at bay that lined his eyes.

Temari glanced over at him. "It's just a cough. Shit, you read into so much stuff..."

He rubbed his eye, pushing the tears away. "And smoke makes my eyes itch...." he said as he fished around again for a cigarette in the compartment between the seats.

"And yet you keep smoking..." she trailed off, taking a shorter puff on her own cigarette.

"So what?" he said sticking the stick in his mouth, now looking for the lighter. When he couldn't find it he realized it must have fallen out of his back pocket and on the floor when they....."Shit" he grumbled.

Temari reached into her purse and stuck her lighter out in front of him. "Here."

"Thanks" he said quietly as he took her lighter and lit the cigarette. He handed the lighter back to her as he finally saw the sign saying 'Suna.'

"Yeah..." She shoved the lighter back in her purse, staying silent.

The silence stayed in the car until he pulled into her driveway. He put his cigarette out in the ashtray and left it there. "See you around I guess," he said looking off ahead of him, avoiding her eyes if he could.

"Yeah," she said quietly, "I guess." She stepped out of the car, shutting the door behind her, leaving her fingers around the handle for a moment before pulling away and walking into her house. Shit.

He pulled out of her driveway, tires screeching some as he turned around back in the opposite direction. This was a mess. A truly fucked up mess, he thought. She was finally back in his life as something, and he messed up. More like they both messed up. His eyes still stung from the overwhelming emotions that they had just gone through in a matter of two hours. Women were such a bother, and this one pestered the shit out of him.

Shit I need some happy pills. *Pulls out asprin* My head feels like it was ran over by a damn truck.

Sleep now!

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 04:33:51 GMT

Work is shit. I feel like shit. I'm tired of whinny ass kids trying to control me. Or the asses that I have to train, because the pervert is too busy to do so. Basically your too fucking busy with your porn, not to mention writing novels in your spare time to do any decent work. How do you run this fucking theater? Oh that's right....it's the only one in town! *grumbles* So help me, I get complained at for not wearing the stupid ass hat to work, I will shoot the man. I never wore it. Never will. Forget it.

I need some rest. Damn my back hurts. *Lands face down on bed*

Chouji....that damn kitten is getting bigger. Is it supposed to gain almost ten pounds in two months like that? And she doesn't even meow....it's more like this loud bellow. Waking up to that noise at four thirty in the morning is rather...annoying.

By the way my fucking heat is still broke. Old man can you fix anything in this house?

WTF?

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 18:44:05 GMT

Kids...blasted kids! I think only the shit ones come to the theater and decide they want to make trouble for me. Seriously. All those times I ignored the bastards from school and beat them off Chouji with words...I think I'm being seriously tormented now because of it. I never go fast enough for these demons on wheels. The little red haired brat with the sucker in his mouth, not to mention the golfball size wad of gum. All he could do was whine and scream with a that damn screech of a voice that could break glass. "Give me this Mr. Pineapple. Give me that...no not gobstoppers, no now I want twizlers, and a coke....now...now...NOW!" After getting him an order that could only make Chouji happy I turned around and told the kid to fuck off. Just in this low, soft voice that would make the shrew proud. He glared at me, the little bastard. He glared and I glared back. Two can play at that game hellion. Where the hell your mother to beat a stick on your ass? Two hours and fifteen popcorn orders later he's back. Only this time I didn't see because my back was turned. I did hear that wad of gum he so graciously chewed and smacked the whole time he stood there. "See ya later Mr. Pineapple" he said before throwing that shit thing at me. Newsflash, gum that sized as hard as he threw it does not come out so easily. Not that far up in my hair. So when I come in the door, the shrew sees and comes around with the scissors. Long hair equals gone.

Saw Chouji later today, he about flipped his lid...

Damn troublesome kids. Fucking go jump off a cliff...I'm too lazy to push you.

Edit:

((Aka...Ren just drew one ^_^))

Mendokuse...

Sun, 29 Jan 2006 05:16:06 GMT

Women. I swear I should shoot myself and end the misery. Damn shrew...can you stop yelling in my ear for one blasted minute? You keep screaming so much I'm going to go deaf. I already can't see for shit without my damn glasses or contacts. Mendokuse.

She threw my cigarettes out the window, and proceeded to bitch about bad habits. Troublesome woman. I never get a moments peace in this house. If she's not nagging at me, then it's at the old man. The at school it's being surrounded by screaming girls, hanging out at thier lockers fawning over the boy of the week. We can safely say....I'm never on that list. Feh.

Teachers, just as troublesome as the women. Damn Asuma. I spent more time correcting your errors than filling in the answers to the questions. Get out your history book. You need it.

Shikamaru slammed the stack of papers down on Asuma's desk. It was finished. Not to mention all the hell he went through to correct the teacher's mistakes, which was more than it should have been.

Asuma quickly snubbed out his cigarette, hoping Shikamaru hadn't seen him puffing away. The last thing he needed was the kid snitching on his bending of the no smokin gon campus policy. "That your homework?"

"What does it look like?" he said in a severe, dark tone. He laid his hand down on the stack. "Maybe next time you should correct your errors before handing out homework."

He arched a dark eyebrow, scratching his chin. "Errors, eh? Well, kid, then I should expect full marks from these papers, and the other batch you owe me."

Shikamaru's lip curled. "Other...there's more?"

"Shit soldier, you thought you were off the battlefield already?" Asuma joked with a grin, leaning back in his chair. "That was the beginning of the quarter stuff. You are far from being done here."

"Fuck..." he slipped out.

"Let's keep it G-rated, kid," he chided lightly, slamming down a whole New Testament's worth of homework.

"When's this winning entry due?" he asked flatly.

"Postmarked by Feb 8th, no purchase necessary," the teacher deadpanned with a twitchy smirk. He sort of enjoyed having genius-boy under his thumb.

"I'm guessing a late fee is insured if I don't get it in by then?"

"No, but your entry will be disqualified."

"Can't have that now can we?" he said giving him a sarcastic, less than pleased grin.

"Not if you want to win the big prize of the college scholarship, and the job of your dreams," he said, tapping his red correcting pen on the desk as he surveyed the work cut out for him. "Unless you want to end up with a shit job like this, teaching little smart asses what deadlines mean."

"That or showing up professors that don't know thier shit..." he said grabbing the stack of papers.

Asuma looked down at the papers, and then snorted. "You forgot to write your name at the top. There goes ten points..."

Shikamaru grabbed a pen out from his back pocket. "Ass..." he mumbled as he chicken scratched his name in the corner upside down.

Asuma nudged his second stack with one hand, muttering "So go already and get this done. I don't get paid overtime to correct all the crap you turn in late."

"Maybe I should get paid for all the mistakes you made carelessly..." he said grumbling taking the stack and heading out the door.

"Maybe you should do your job as a student, and let me do mine as a teacher, smartass!" He groused at his back, getting to work. He already knew that he wouldn't need his correcting pen, but he wouldn't set it aside and mark him with full points until he knew Shikamaru was out the door.

Damn...shit....fuck...

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 20:19:51 GMT

Stress is a troublesome thing. Frustration is even worse. There are just some things that a beer and a cigarette can't cure. The beer is out, so all I have left are three nicotine sticks and some bad porn my old man left on my computer. Can't you find something more pleasing than this? Girls in school uniforms just don't do it for me anymore. It's boring. I need something exciting....

Fuck....

*Picks up another smoke* Damn sex...damn it to hell. If I let my penis think all the damn time, I'd really be in trouble....

But hell if this isn't a pain in the ass....

An ass of a weekend...

Sat, 21 Jan 2006 18:18:17 GMT

Well shit....I didn't know I'd be stuck in this hole of a house all weekend with work that is as thick as a bible. Damn Asuma. I fail this class I'm screwed for a while. My grades aren't the best in my other class either, but I'm passing. This is the class that is for shit. I swear this teacher is out to get me. He likes being an ass and tormenting me of all the other students.

((Asuma was played by our lovely Kitty aka Chouji! Thank's Kitty! ^_^))

Shikamaru made his way to the front of the class as the class emptied out. He stood up at the teacher's desk and waited for him to recognize that he was there.

Asuma yawned, piling up papers in no real order as he got ready to launch into his corrections. Or have a cigarette break and take a nap on the paper piles; whichever came first.

Shikamaru cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest.

Asuma looked up as a thin shadow spread over his desk. It was the Nara kid, Shikamaru. Huh. Well, that was something different, wasn't it? "Yeah?"

"My grades are lacking in this class. Was wondering if you had any extra credit?" he asked, flashing his now blue eyes.

"Now usually," Asuma said, pulling out a cigarette and sticking it in his mouth. No smoking on campus, but he was so much an addict that the cigarette itself was a comfort. "I'd say sure, go ahead. But that's for the kids who take the time to actually do their work."

Shikamaru grumbled. "I'm doing my work...." he defended. Maybe late, but he was still doing it.

"I'm not going to inflate the grades of a slacker who suddenly saw the light this late in the term," Asuma said, making certain that he made this sound non-negotiable.

"I'm asking you to give me a chance. Your class is the only one that is not letting me work at it. I fail this class, I fail entirely."

Asuma gave him a dark look. "I've known you for a while, Shikamaru. Years, in fact, and I can pretty much say you won't pull out of this with a wave of one hand. You have solid weeks of homework to catch up on."

"So give me something new to replace it. Some kind of assignment. Shit I don't know..."

"What are you doing this for, Shikamaru?" Asuma asked, leaning back in his chair.

"I don't pass your class...I fail. I fail...I don't get to keep the scholarship and graduate a year early."

Asuma rubbed his chin, feeling the stubble and thinking, offhand, that he should shave. "What're you graduating for? I thought you, Akimichi, and Yamanaka were pretty tight."

"Because I can. We are, but I do have a future planned out."

"Your future?" He chuckled. "You should've placed into the Advanced Critical Thinking and Ethics class, kid. You would've been loved by that crowd."

His eyes narrowed. "Are you mocking me?"

"Kid, you mock yourself. You're a walking contridiction."

"Really? Care to explain?" he said his eyes locked on an evil glare.

"Smart as all shit, but too lazy to do anything with those brains," Asuma said, shaking his head. "Most kids around here would be jealous of you---if you ever showed up on class to show them up."

"What do I have to prove to anyone?" he said raising an eyebrow. "I know what I need to know. No need in flaunting it."

"You need to prove something to me, all right. You need to prove to me that you want this scholarship enough to bust your ass," Asuma growled. "So far, I'm unimpressed."

"More like you wanting to be an ass and try to up me on one." He grumbled out. This teacher had always been trouble for him. He rubbed the back of his neck, "What kind of teacher burns a student to begin with?"

"One who knows you can do better than this," Asuma said quietly. The kid was good. Hell, the kid was brilliant, and he was the one who had brought it to his parents' attention. It was because of that that he felt he needed to push Shikamaru just a little harder than anyone else.

His voice got low, and he rested his hands on the desk. "So then let me..." he said his eyes flashing dark reguardless of the light blue color they were now.

Asuma was unnaffected. Shikamaru was a little too skinny and a little too late to inspire fear in him. "Get me all your makeup by next Monday, and maybe we'll talk."

"Eh....." Shikamaru pouted rubbing the back of his neck again. "Have any extra copies?" he asked.

Asuma rolled his eyes. At least the kid was predictable. He took out the impossibly thick stack he'd photocopied earlier, sensing this sort of situation might happen. "Here you go, slick. Have at it."

Shikamaru grumbled, his eyes rolling as he took ahold of the stack of papers. It looked to be as thick as a bible. "I have the weekend basically?" he asked in a half wine.

"Roughly," the teacher said, getting to his feet and fumbling in his pocket for his lighter. "Mm, time for a cig break. Good talking to you, Shikamaru."

"Feh" he growled out as he made his way out the classroom door. Damn this was such a bother. Instead of a simple talk, and a little extra credit, he'd landed himself in a far bigger situation than he had planned. He hated doing work.

My eyesight I have to say with these contacts is better. Though that damn website was as confusing as hell. Guess I ordered the wrong ones. Seems I have crystal blue instead of clear. Eh, the glasses were on the other side of the room. It was too bothersome to get them. They need to fix thier damn website. Asses. Can't say it doesn't get the attention though. Never had so many girls come up and fawn on me because of some damn blue eyes. Troublesome women...get a hobby.

((Since my drawing ability came back some lastnight after 2 weeks of a dry spell...here's some Shikaness for you))

Temari is pissed at me. I have to say I'm more pissed at myself. Not going into that right now. At least Chouji and Ino are talking to me again. I swear, that took a world of convincing. I grew up with you guys. We're a team together. Nothing can ever change that. I guess I do have to thank you Ino, for helping with getting the job back. Though I'm not so sure it's a good thing working under that pervert again. He annoys the shit out of me. Speaking of I have to work until closing tonight. Shit. I hate that. It's so troublesome to have to clean the damn place after hours...

Shikamaru picked up the phone. He dialed her number and waited for an answer. At least things between them was going better than they were with him and Chouji.

Ino stopped on the path from the school to pick up her cell phone, and frowned. Who would be calling her? Everyone was mad at her... "...hello?" she said expectantly into the phone. She knew she didn't sound like herself.

"Ino dear, hey...." he said softly.

She sighed in relief. She knew that voice. "What's up?"

"Just checking up on you..."

"Appears I will be your chauffer..."

She smiled softly. "I suppose so." She looked around, pulling her pink hat further on her head. "Where are you, buttcheek?"

"I have a name skunk..."

"And so do I." Ino plopped down on the school steps, rubbing her hands over her tight-covered thighs. She could feel the coldness of the concrete seep through her skirt. "I'm cold. I don't want to stay in school... because... you know."

"What are your plans right now?" he asked, turning the corner in his car.

"Plans?" Ino squinted her eyes in the sunlight, and laughed bitterly. "Since when did I ever have plans?"

"As of now...." he said as he pulled up into the school parking lot. "Head over to the parking lot...." It was after hours....his car minus the red camero to the right were the only ones there.

She picked up her schoolbag and hefted it on her shoulder, turning around to see if any boys were spying on her. She didn't want any more bruises. "I'm going..." Turning into the parking lot, she spotted his car and pretended not to see him. "Who's that ugly guy in front of me?"

"I don't know, who's the ugly girl in front of me?" he said smiling and closing his cell phone.

She smiled and ran to him, not caring that she was splashing slush all over herself. Throwing her cell in her purse, she got to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, closing her eyes. A friendly hug, that is. She didn't want any rumours.

He wrapped his arms back around her and returned the hug. "I've missed you skunk...." he said softly.

She squeezed his shoulder and looked up at him, real tears forming at her eyes. "I'm-- sorry. I've missed you too." She laughed softly and wiped her eyes. "It's just beenso tough..."

He nodded. "I know..." He then wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "Lets get some food....I'm starving...."

She smirked lopsidedly and leaned against him, wincing when the material of his shirt brushed her cheek. "I wish I felt the same way..."

He paused and looked at her with his analyzing glare. He rubbed her cheek lightly. "What happend?"

Flinching, she regained composure and she tried to plaster a bright smile. But her pain shone through. "I... Oh, nothing... It's not important."

"Ino..." he said sternly. Which translated to spill or I will get defensive.

She waved her hand around, then stopped and sighed. "You know those rumours going around? A boy almost dragged me off after school and tried to get me to do stuff for him. So I bit him, and he... you know." She pointed to her cheek, making a slapping motion. "And if Chouji wasn't walking behind, I'd be living up to the rumours. Giving the guy head."

His brows narrowed and he half growled. Kids today were ridiculous. He'd had his fair share of flirtations, and guys that wanted to pumle him to the ground. It was amazing how fast rumers spread. And he couldn't help but feel guilty. "It's my fault....I'm sorry..." he said softly.

Raising her eyebrows, she smiled at him. "No, Shikmaru... It's been happening before too. I just like to ignore it... I know that they aren't true..." She sighed and shrugged to the car. "Are we going soon? We can talk in there."

He nodded and opened his door to get in. He started up the engine and waited for her to get in.

Closing the door, she settled herself in the seat and buckled up quickly. She blew on her hands and shivered, waving her arms around. "It's so cold...

He started up the heat and headed out of the parking lot. "I don't have a lot of money...so it's fast food. Heh..." he hadn't had much since Jiriyha laid him off for the time being. Maybe he should go back and see if he could have the job back at this point. Things had cleared up somewhat.

"Fast food..." It had been a while since she had that. She made a face, wrinkling her nose and making a gagging noise. "They have salad?"

"Mcdonalds does....can you deal with that? I kind of ran out of money since I lost the job...."

"Its okay, Micky D's it is..." She looked out the window, then breathed on it and drew patterns on it.

"Don't put frilly shit on my windows...."

Ino turned around and stuck her tongue out, drawing more stuff on the window. "It gives it such a nice touch, yannow?"

"No, it makes me look gay....stop..." he wined.

"Maybe you are," she said teasingly, wiping it all out. Then she started again. "So, what are we going to do?"

He glared at her. "That's not funny...." he said frustrated. "I'm getting food....then I don't know...." he said as they passed the local theater that he used to work at. He glared at it for a second.

She raised an eyebrow at him when he eyed the theatre. "What are you giving that look for? You wanna burn it down or something?"

"That would be an idea....But it's too troublesome."

"I was kidding, you loser. What's wrong? Miss your job?"

"No....just money is key to surviving in this blasted world..."

She tapped her fingers on the window. "Then get a job. Or fight for your old one back."

"Feh...." he said as he pulled into the McDonald's lot. Getting out of the car he hooked his keys on his chain. "Let's go skunk...."

She smiled dangerously. "I'm Ino. I'm much higher than a skunk." She followed him, running a hand through her hair and checking herself out in the window.

"You look fine...." he said not turning to look at her as they walked into the food complex. He slowley made his way to the counter and ordered. "What are you getting miss Ino..."

Pouting, she scanned her eyes over the list of food. "The salad. And a Coke." The smell of fast food was either making her nauseous or hungry.

"Add a salad and a coke to that..." he said paying the man at the counter.

"With cesar dressing," she added.

He grumbled taking his receipt. Finally getting thier order he hunted around for a place to sit. He settled with a free booth and sat ready to dig in. He wasn't much for such greasy food, but lack of nutrition at home....he didn't care at this point.

Carefully, Ino opened her salad container and poked at it, then put a tentative forkful in her mouth. She made a face, then relaxed. "It's not so bad..."

He looked up at her with a sarcastic look on his face. "No....food is good for you....it's not out to attack you...." he said.

Shrugging, she shoved another forkful in her mouth. "I just head that it was gross, that's all."

"Hmph" he replied stuffing his second hamburger in his mouth. Damn, he swore he was eating as much as Chouji. Damn the shrew and her insisting he buy his own food. He missed having home cooked meals.

In a few minutes, she finished the whole thing. Sipping quietly at her Coke, she raised an eyebrow at him. "Not getting much food at home, are you."

"What do you think?" he said finishing up his last hamburger.

Burping quietly, she wiped her mouth with her napkin. "I think that you need a job so you can buy a decent meal."

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at?" he said wiping his hands off on a napkin.

Smiling deviously, she poked his arm repeatedly. "What I'm saying is, that you need to go back to the theatre and beg for your job back, and everything will be hunky dory."

"I don't feel like it today...." he said flatly. It was too troublesome to bother with.

"Too bad. We're going to go and FIGHT." She nodded at him. "You done? Then let's get going. I'm making you go."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "What?" he said as he got up, leaving his trash and tray on the table top.

She grabbed his arm and dragged him along. "We're going to go the the theatre, stupid, so you can get your job back!"

"Feh...Ino..." he grumbled. "This is troublesome....damn you women...." he said as he was dragged to his car.

"Stop damning us women when we're right!" Ino ordered, buckling herself in her seat.

He grumbled some more as he got into the car and started the engine. He pulled out of the parking lot and headed to the theater.

"I win, victory..." Ino sang, getting out of the car and stretching. "Let's go."

He was suddenly pulled back out of the car by the bold blonde and pushed towards the door. He ran smack into Jiraiya.

Ino looked up at Jiraya's massive height and smiled sweetly. "Hello, Jiraya-san~~ Shikamaru wants to talk you you."

"Uh...." he studdered as Jiriya nodded and told Shikamaru to follow him into the office. The door shut, and Shikamaru wondered why he'd ever let women boss him around.

Ino stood outside the office, leaning against the door and pressing her ear against it.

Shikamaru opened the door only to have Ino almost fall face forward into him. "Snoop, let's go..." he said before nodding to Jiraiya and heading out of the theater.

Ino regained composure and straightened herself like nothing happened. She smiled sweetly at Jiraya again and waved. She turned back to Shikamaru, smiled deviously. "So, what did he say? Did you get your job back? Am I a genius or WHAT."

"No you just pester the shit out of me, and I'd rather do what you ask than to have you scream at me..."

She puffed out her cheeks. "I WILL scream. Tell me. Now."

"Yes...yes...I got the job..." he said rolling his eyes.

Ino punched the air, then Shikamaru. "I KNEW IT! I'm so proud of you!!!" She hugged him quickly and ran around, almost knocking an employee over. "Sorry, but SHIKAmARU HAS HIS JOB BACK!" The guy looked at her strangely and scurried off.

He put his finger in his ear and scrunched his eyes tightly. "Damn Ino...do you have to be so loud?" he said reaching the door.

"I HAVE TO BE LOUD! I WOULDNT BE INO!" She was returning to her loud, hyper self again. "Aren't you SO EXCITED?"

"Not half as excited as you." he muttered. "Now I get angry kids in my face and thier ugly mothers slapping me accross the jaw when I make thier kid cry..."

"But you have a job... Money. And there are SOME perks to this job, right?"

"I suppose...." he said grumbling. "Let's go...."

"Okay," she sang, holding the door for him. "That was really quick."

"Yeah...lets get out of this blasted place," he said headed to the car. He paused before putting the key in the door, his back to her. "Thanks....Ino...." he said softly. "For not....hating me..."

Ino smiled softly. It was good to have her other best friend back. "I never hated you, Shikamaru. I just missed you."

What the fuck ever....

Thu, 19 Jan 2006 01:27:30 GMT

Stupid ass doctors. Stupid ass appointment. I am not blind you idiots. So I seem to have always been a little far-sided. I've always had to wear glasses to read. Yes you assholes, I have always worn them only to read. Not to class that's for damn sure. The end of this term is coming up though....and I do have to maintain my grades. When have I ever cared? Never. However, my old man doesn't swing the "I am proud of you" line my way very often. I have a new plan that I will follow. I am not doing it for anyone...I am doing it for myself. So where does the issue come into play? Fucking eyesight is what comes into play. When I actually step back to do some work, I can't fucking see. I knew something was up when I couldn't see the board from the back of the classroom. I have always been able to see it.

That damn appointment was today. Basically those idiotic doctors telling me that my vision is getting worse. So now it's either being a four-eyed geek 24-7 or hiding it with little plastic pieces that stick to my retina. Why does everything have to be so damn troublesome?

These damn plastic pieces better get here soon. It's supposed to be an overnight order....but since when does anyone ever do anything when they are supposed to. I am not blind.

Damn eyesight

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 18:54:01 GMT

Shit when I actually try to do some work now to hold up my grades to graduate...something goes to shit. I've noticed over the passed few weeks how when I try to read the board, my eyes do this blurry number. Thought it was overstress. No way in hell am I wearing glasses to this damn school. I got enough rumers and shit floating around as it is.

I picked up Ino the other day from school. I think things are better at least with her. Friends at least, and not one that wants to kick me in the balls for all that happend. Damn being drunk...it fucks up everything.

Chouji I wish you would talk to me...

Hello walls...

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 06:50:53 GMT

The bed is only so comfortable until you realize you've spent two days in it. Maybe longer. I can only stare at the damn ceiling but for so long before I think I'm actually outside watching clouds. Newsflash, my fucking ceiling is white. I need a skylight. It's cold. The damn heat is broken. I'm too lazy to move out of this bed. Damn I need to get up...

Chouji pick up your damn phone.

Ino we still need to talk.

I hate you alcohol....

It is why you stay in that stupid ass cupboard and rot for the old man to tangle with.

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) If cho_phat had a superpower, what would it be? cannonball
2) Would you wrestle taikouhana in jello? i hate jello
3) Is kagekubishibari athletic? with his hand and a beer bottle
4) kagekubishibari's eye color? black, same as mine
5) What animal does kiba_owns_you remind you of? a dog damn that's not hard
6) Did taikouhana break up with you? rather not think so, someone else broke my heart
7) What rank would sabaku_sousou have in a giant robot army? that's a rather scary thought
8) Is cho_phat friends with sugarbunbuns? *shrugs*
9) Are scorpian_vanity and byakugan_babe going steady? that's rather impossible to think of
10) What is taikouhana allergic to? hell if i know
11) How would shinranshin conquer the world? with his daughter *shudders*
12) Have you flirted with taikouhana? hell no....why do you keep showing up on this damn list?
13) Does ramenislove have a crush on taikouhana? That would be amusing...
14) What is shinranshin's favorite color? Pink?
15) What song/movie would you recommend to taikouhana? I don't know anything about you Sakura, get out of my damn test...
16) Does temichan travel a lot? I suppose from Suna to Konoha...does that count?
17) What is scorpian_vanity's shoe size? Like I care what the freak wears
18) Are emosasuke and _inochan going out? Is this thing on crack?
19) Is _inochan a college student? No but I may be soon
20) How tall is ramenislove? He's not tall, he's short
21) Is kiba_owns_you related to you? Fuck no
22) Is beetle_borg popular? With bugs? Does chess club count?
23) What languages does kiba_owns_you speak? canine?
24) Would emosasuke be a better ninja or pirate? He'd be emo either way...so who gives a shit...
25) Would ramenislove go out with sugarbunbuns? Think he's rather stuck on the opposite gender
26) Do you have a crush on _inochan? hell no
27) Would you ever date _inochan? stop asking me these fucking questions....this is the kind of thing that gets me into trouble...
28) Has taikouhana dyed their hair? it's pink, is it natural?
29) If byakugan_babe took over the world, who would be happy? probably the whole fucking world with her cookie baking
30) Is beetle_borg related to taikouhana? I would surely hope not

I don't know if I can make it...

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 04:20:24 GMT

I wake up feeling like a punching bag. Christ I think I look like one. *Shakes head* Between getting yelled at by the old man and the shrew I couldn't handle myself. I lost my head. I lost my will. I'm the coward. I hadn't planned on going to this blasted party, or to even bother showing up intoxicated. However I did, and I screwed up.

I have nothing....

I lost my friends....

I fucked myself over...

I created this mess...but now I have to take it like a man....

I don't know what else to tell you. Apparently I'm the biggest asshole on the planet that you would willingly pulverize to the ground again if I came near you. I'm sorry. I never slept with Ino. I can't say it's just the alcohol's fault...because I should have never been drinking in the first place. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame Ino. I know you hate me now, but just listen to me and believe me when I say I'm sorry.

Don't worry that kiss was nothing short of a drunken mind gone crazy. It doesn't excuse it. Just as nothing excuses my behavior. I don't want to be the cause of fucking things up with you and Chouji. As much as I didn't know what to think of you two together....I shouldn't bring you both down in my misery.

I'm sorry.....

I guess I have to thank you this time...for staying. You didn't have to...but you did. I don't like being like this. I woke up this morning realizing I didn't know who I was...

I don't know if I'll be okay. I don't know what to do...but I will try...

Papa Roach - Getting Away With Murder

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am waiting for disaster

[Chorus]
I feel irrational
So confrontational
To tell the truth I am
Getting away with murder
It isn't possible
To never tell the truth
But the reality is I'm getting away with murder
(Getting away, Getting away, Getting away)

I drink my drink and I don't even want to
I think my thoughts when I don't even need to
I never look back cause I don't even want to
And I don't need to
Because I'm getting away with murder

[Chorus]

Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,
Getting away, Getting away, Getting away,

Somewhere beyond happiness and sadness
I need to calculate
What creates my own madness
And I'm addicted to your punishment
And you're the master
And I am craving this disaster

I had a personal life since when?

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 02:15:23 GMT

Seems everyone has been busy with a personal life. Funny....I don't seem to have much of one anymore. It's still too cold out to go cloud-watching that much...unless I want to walk back in as rudolph. Christmas is over damn it. Haven't been at work for well over two weeks now. The old pervert won't let me back until January is over. That was his finally decision with that yellow slip that said my job has been "temporarily unavaliable" until I get myself in order. Shit old man I wasn't that bad at work. Reguardless of my personal issues...I will still get popcorn thrown in my face. Butter squirted on my clothes. Not to mention tickets thrown in my face as well as a few good slaps here and there. *Sighs* That's never going to change.

*Private to Shikamaru*

I'm.....I'm not okay. Shit. I thought I was....this wasn't hurting half as bad if I stayed mad at her. But I can't stay mad...I can't hate her. If I kept myself at a distance. Kept away from pissing everyone off that seems to have put me on their bad list. If I kept myself away, told myself that it was okay, told myself that she had moved on....that I would do fine.

I was lying to myself.

I didn't want to know his name. The fact that she's mentioned it enough in her own journal tells me that I'm erased. I know it's over, I've accepted that. I guess a part of me would still like to hold on to the fact that I meant something. That I wasn't thrown away like a piece of garbage and was nothing better than another fuck buddy.

I thought....this was the end of all the hurt. That it would be over...

Damn I am an idiot...

"Tell Me Why" -- by Cold

I could see her fall from grace
Like a movie star to old to change her life
With a bottle by her head
Every night she went away
I would pray for someone else to change her life
If she wouldn't change for me

Tell me why. please tell me why. you stole my life

Tired of hearing the same old song
Everytime you came back frozen deep inside
Was it my love that you feared
I was a misfit all the way
Never there to help me grow and change my life
Then you smiled and walked away

All the little things she said to me
Were broken thoughts and tainted dreams
If she cant take these memories
It doesnt change a thing
Every lil word she said to me
That broke my heart and stayed with me
I wish that she could hear me scream
She never changed a thing

This cant go on...

Ringing in the new year....whoopy fucking do...

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 23:14:28 GMT

So I managed to sleep through the new year. The shrew has been cleaning the house like a madwoman. Complaning that I wrecked it by staying alone, don't know if she trusts me to stay alone again. Well shit woman, get over it and stop nagging. I'm not a housemaid, that's what your job is. Last night Chouji stopped by. I've honestly been distancing myself from everyone. Being that I've managed to put myself on everyone's shit list...figured it would be better to give space...

The old man is drunk off his ass somewhere. He brings more alcohol into this house the shrew is going to kill him. More or less me as well if I ever do it again. She found the cans and bottles piled up in my closet and under the bed while she was cleaning. Threw the covers over my head and tried to drown out her ranting. Damn woman, so fucking loud.

Shikamaru laid in bed as his mother cleaned up around the house making as much racket as she possibly could. He groaned pulling the covers up over his head. So it was a new year already? Funny he didn't remember it being the end, he must have slept through it.

Chouji stood outside of the Nara house, debating his own resolve. He picked up a handful of pebbles, rolling them around his palm before chucking them at Shikamaru's window.

The shrew started up the vaccum cleaner right as he could have sworn he heard a tap on the window. He pulled into the covers more ignoring both.

Chouji bit back on his irritation, glowering at the window. He gathered another handful of pebbles, aiming again at Shikamaru's window. It used to be a universal sign of 'we need to talk' when they were kids, and it grated on him that he wasn't responding.

She finally turned off the blasted machine and he thought all was silent for the moment. He was wrong. He suddenly head many taps hitting his window. He threw the comforter off his head with a growl. He got up and padded to the window, looking out. His usually upkept hair falling on his shoulders, and in his face. He put a strand out of his face and behind his ear as he opened the window. What the hell? "Chouji?" he said squinting his eyes in the dark to see if he could see.

"No, it's spider man!" Chouji yelled up at him, rubbing his cold hands together. "Of course it's me, you moron."

He put a palm to his head. "What do you want?" he yelled down.

"I want to talk. You sober?"

Shikamaru grumbled at that statement. "Yes" he seethed out.

"Can I come in?" Chouji asked, frowning. "It's freezing out here."

He nodded in agreement before shutting the window. It was cold, he thought. Being clad in only his pants made that apparently obvious. He wrapped back up in the comforter.

Chouji walked inside, cheerfully greeting Yoshino before making his way up to Shikamaru's room. Despite being 'the shrew', she'd always liked Chouji, and treated him well. He knocked on his friend's door. He never entered without permission.

"Come in" he muffled under the covers.

He came in, shrugging off his coat and kicking off his shoes. He sat on the floor next to the bed, unsure if he wanted to be the one to start the conversation. Their last ones hadn't ended nicely.

"What's up?" he said still muffled. Coming in with Chouji came the cold, he didn't want to peer outside the comforter yet...it was warm

"Just wanted t see if things are any...better with you. Haven't heard from you for a while," Chouji said quietly.

"I felt like being a hermit..."

"Better than a drunkard."

He grumbled again at the comment. It was obviously the thing that put him on everyone's shit list as of late. Hence he distanced himself. He pulled the covers off his head and looked down to Chouji. "Any other derogetory comments you would like to make, go ahead and throw them at me."

"No, no, won't stoop that far," Chouji said, rolling his eyes. "Just stating the obvious."

"Well thank you for stating...but I'm pretty sure I'm well aware of the fact I'm on everyone's shit list."

"You got yourself there," Chouji said, still rubbing feeling back into his hands. "If I didn't like you so much...I'd be angry with you, too."

He rolled his eyes and just sat up on the bed.
"Cause damn. I'm getting sick of the way you've treated Ino and me, lately," he said, a rough edge to his voice. "Just sick."

He hung his head. "I know..." he said roughly.

"We're..." Chouji shook his head. "I don't know why you'd lash out at us. More than anyone else, we're on your side...the fact that she and I...that doesn't change anything..."

"I know that Chouji...." he said lowley again, turning his head

"Do you know how much it hurts," Chouji said softly. "To hear your best friend say that he doesn't want you to be with someone you care for?"

"I never said that Chouji....I just said it was hard for me to grasp. There is a difference...." he sighed, head still turned away.

"It still feels like...since you're miserable, you don't want me to be happy," he said in a small voice. "And I'm not. But that's like---you're cursing me."

"I'm not cursing you. Be happy....my miserable behavior should not effect everyone else, I know that. And I said I was sorry."

"Still..." he sighed. "Can't you let go?"

"Let go of what? Temari? I've obviously done that...." he sighed again. "I know it's over now...there's nothing left to hang on to."

"What about hanging onto me? Onto Ino?" Chouji asked, lifting his gaze to look up at his friend. "If InoShikaCho is a cookie, we've been missing our filling."

"Of course Chouji..." he said with a questioning brow, his voice breaking a little. "I've....I've just been distancing myself from everyone as of late. Figured they needed a break from me."

"From this too-skinny, drunken clone that's taken your place, yeah," Chouji said, nodding. "But from you? Never."

"I'm not drinking anymore Chouji...." he said sternly

"Good," Chouji said, nodding. "I believe you."

"I should hope so..." he said shivering lightly. Damn this room was cold. He turned his head and looked back down to the floor. "You and Ino mean a lot to me Chouji...."

"Then show us, from time to time," Chouji said, a touch of irritability to his voice. "We've been doubting, man.'

"It's just....it's hard Chouji to tell yourself you've been rejected. To try and move on and see everything you planned out move into one big mess...."

"Not everyone's rejected you," Chouji said, getting to his feet. He spied an official-looking letter on the desk, and his eyes widened. "...For example, it looks like they accepted you."

"What?" Shikamaru said turning around.

"What's this?" Chouji asked, waving the sleek papers.

"It's just something from the University..." he said as if it didn't matter.

He peeled apart the papers, his eyes widening as he scanned them. "...Shika, did you even read these? Sh-Shika, they're---they're giving you a full ride!"

"I know....I figured a packet meant more than a little note saying hello."

Chouji stalked over to the bed, thwapped the back of his head with the folded-up papers, and glowered at him. "You're taking this. You're GOING."

He sighed, thought etched on his face. "I don't know...."

Chouji thwapped him again, harder. "You know what, I'm stupid. I don't have the grades for college, no matter how hard I try. You're GOING."

"I thought that was the big issue a few months ago. That I would be leaving you guys. I'm not going....I'll just finish out my senior year...." he trailed off.

"You have an opportunity to use that head of yours," Chouji growled, pushing him over and hitting him with the packet. "You're GOING to college, and you're GOING to get good grades, and---just---ARGH."

"Stop hitting me....damn it Chouji" he said.

"Listen," Chouji said, sitting down on the edge of the bed and rolling up the pamphlets. "You've got a great opportunity, here. As your best friend---yes, I did say best friend, still---I'm going to make you do this."

"Give me a reason why?" Shikamaru asked.

Chouji leaned over and poked his arm. "Because I say so, and I'm always right. Remember?"

He rubbed his arm. "It was a stupid idea Chouji. Even my old man said it was....because I was going after it for the wrong reasons...."

"You can change your reason," Chouji said. "Do it for yourself. Do it---do it for me, because you know this fat kid isn't getting that far."

"It's just a scholarship....it's not like they're making me the next professor of the physics department or something...."

"You never know," he said diplomatically. "So do something, then."

He grumbled slightly. "Don't tell anyone about it, the shrew already flipped a lid over it. She's the one that gave me the mail...."

"Scout's honor," Chouji said, raising two fingers. "So long as you go."

He rolled his eyes. "Your all about blackmailing aren't you?....Fine. I'll go. But it's not for you. Not for the old man. Not for Temari....it's for me..."

"It's either I blackmail you, or I sit on you. It's really your choice."

Chouji chuckled. "Good. I don't think you deserve all this crushing you."

"I don't think I have the energy to try and lift you off me..."

"Shika, nobody has that energy," Chouji said, smirking. "So yeah. The pain of Cho Crushing won't be levied against you---this time."

"This time....I hope there never is a time period." he said crossing his arms.

"Yeah. Well....I hope so, too," He leaned over and poked his ribs. "Because I'd snap you in two, skinny boy."

He rubbed his rib. "I'm not skinny!" he declared. I'm just thin...."

"Same thing," Chouji said, smirking. "I've got about three times the padding as you've got."

"Feh...." Shikamaru responded.

"You must be feeling better, if you're 'feh'ing me."

He looked down, his hair falling in his face again as it always did when he didn't have it up. "I'm okay Chouji.....I'll be okay...."

Chouji reached over and gently patted his shoulder. "I know. Why do you think I'm here? I came...because...seriously, man, I'm tired of crying. I just want us to be okay again."

"To throw rocks at my head and tell me papers actually can have some importance?" he said jokingly.

"No, those were just the perks of coming," Chouji said, ruffling his hair. "Get it right, genius."

He moved away, straightening out his hair slightly. "I hate when you do that...."

"Which is why I do it," he beamed. "It gets your attention, doesn't it?"

"No it just makes me look like the cat got tangled in my hair."

"Speaking of which, how is she doing? Did you name her?" Chouji asked curiously. "And you have been taking care of her, right?"

"Yes I have....you act like it's going to die on me...."

"If you don't feed her enough, yeah!" Chouji groused. "And seeing how much you feed yourself..."

"Very funny...." he said leaning over the side of the bed and pulling up the covers from the floor. He pulled out the still small kitten and put her in his lap. "She likes to hide..."

"She's a snuggler," he said, brushing her head with a few fingertips. "She liked hiding in my hair and falling asleep when I was laying down."

"I don't like when she hides and I have no clue where she is. Afraid I'm going wake up and realize I've rolled over on top of her...."

"She'll yelp if you do. Don't worry---they squirm away fast."

"Yeah she's a loud one. Just what I need....another screaming woman...." he rolled his eyes as he spoke

"No worries, man," Chouji chuckled. "The screamers usually make up for it, right?"

"Hmph....." he said lightly, his mind trailing for a short moment. The kitten curled up between where his leg and hip met, her cold nose resting on his belly. He grumbled and rolled his eyes. "Such a troublesome little thing...."

"You take care of him, kid," Chouji told the kitten seriously, running a thumb over her tiny head. "Learn to sit on him when he's being dumb. It's a smart trick."

She meowed softly at Chouji's touch and snuggled closer to Shikamaru. "Why the hell has this thing latched on to me like some kind of tumor?" he said grumbling.

"It's a benign tumor, Shika," Chouji said, grinning. "She's my kid, so she'll look after you. She's an Akimichi, after all."

"You have her bugged or something? She going to have a camera inside her ear where you spy on me?"

"Paranoid, Shika?"

"No....just taking proper percausions."

"Yes, yes, the kitten is bionic and she watches you in the shower," Chouji said, rolling his eyes. "Think, oh bright one."

"She does watch me in the shower...it's kind of disturbing man...." Shikamaru said seriously.

Chouji started laughing. "Y-you really are paranoid! The cat isn't going to---" He rolled over onto his stomach and continued to laugh. "Geeze, man...glad to have you back."

"It's not funny...." he said with a blank face. "I swear she'd get in the damn shower with me if I didn't shut the door..."

"It's love," Chouji said, smirking. "True love."

"Feh...it's just another troublesome woman...." he groaned.

A different kind of pain...

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 21:18:37 GMT

The shrew is home...along with the old man. As much as he ignores me right now...I actually missed the bastard. Maybe if he'd been here earlier, things would have been less troublesome. Maybe I wouldn't have made such an ass of myself, and my friends. Disappointing I know, and the cowards way out as you would say. Shit happens...and I'm okay now. This room is cold, and retiring under the covers in this dark room is what I would like to do right now. Sleep is always good...

*Private thoughts to Shikamaru*

I've got a lot to think about for the future now. Konoha College has offered me a full scholarship, to study what I want. Figures I'd get the results now. I don't think I will take it. I'm going to stay and finsih up the senior year here. I know the old man would agree. It was a mistake to take an idea so foolhardely and move forward so fast for a girl. A girl that is better off now. I hope she's happy. That's all I ever wish for...for Temari. I will be okay. I think I will. It's honestly over, and I see that now as I should have months ago.

Lyrics:

"A Different Kind of Pain" --by Cold

Before I let you go,
Give me just one more night to show you just how I feel.
I lost all my control.
If it takes my whole damn life, I'll make this up to you.
Kind of like the waves
That roll their whole life towards somewhere crashing on the shore
It's blown in by the wind that carries the clouds to
hide my wish on a fallen star.

A different kind of pain,
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain,
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?

I tried to let you go.
I wish I could turn back time,
And show you just how I feel.
I needed you to know.
If it takes my whole damn life,
I'll make this up to you.

Kind of like the waves,
That roll their whole life towards somewhere,
Crashing on the shore.
It's blown in by the wind,
That carries the clouds to hide,
My wish on a fallen star...

A different kind of pain,
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain,
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?

Before you let me go away,
Before you let me go away,
Before you let me go away,
Before you let me go away,
I needed you to know.

A different kind of pain,
Is someone there that to hold you?
Is someone there that to take you away from me?
A different kind of pain,
Is someone there to hold you?
Is someone there to take you away from me?

A different kind of pain, it's a different kind of pain...
A different kind of pain, it's a different kind of pain...

It's a different kind of pain...
It's a different kind of pain...
It's a different kind of pain... (Before you let me go)
It's a different kind of pain... (I needed you to know)
It's a different kind of pain...
It's a different kind of ...

((Download this song...it's so pretty))

This is really it....

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 23:48:25 GMT

It's really over....

Nothing more to discuss. Nothing more to hope for. I loved her and that's all I could give.

I'm accepting now that....it's over.

I'm sorry to everyone for not being myself. For trying to keep everything to myself. For being an ass.

Lyrics:

Rest in Pieces ---by Saliva

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
Coz' this hurts deeper than I thought it did,
It has not healed with time...
It just shot down my spine.
You look so beautiful tonight,
Remind me how you laid us down,
And gently smiled,
Before you destroyed my life...

Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

Look at me, my depth perception must be off again,
You got much closer than I thought you did,
I'm in your reach,
You held me in your hands...

But could you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)
Would you find it in your heart,
To make this go away,
And let me rest in pieces?
(Let me rest in pieces)

What the hell did I get into?

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 04:00:36 GMT

The next time I actually let Naruto take me somewhere I better be drunk off my ass. Damn it Naruto, you really are a idiot!

Ramenpwned: Naruto checked his watch. It was fairly late, but not that late, his watch reading 9pm. He'd gotten off work just now and headed over to Shikamaru's house right away to see how he was holding up after the last few days. He hadn't felt right being so happy with Shikamaru feeling so down so he wanted to try and cheer him up. Having a neatly wrapped box tucked under his arm, he walked up to the door and rung the door bell.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru grumbled walking to the door. He didn't want to see anyone right now. He got fired for "the time being", had a fight with his best friend, and was more or less pissed that Temari had moved on enough to be sleeping with other guys. He opened the door, eyes narrowed.

"What the hell do you want?"

Ramenpwned: Naruto furrowed his own eyebrows and pouted at Shikamaru. "Can't a friend come over to wish a merry dween and give a gift?" He said, patting the box in his arms.

konohashadowman: "I don't like Christmas" he said hatefully.

Ramenpwned: "Yeah I know. But this," He gestured towards the box again, "Is a dween gift. Completely different. And, look! It's wrapped in easter paper." And rightfully so, the box had brightly colored easter eggs and bunnies on it.

konohashadowman: "Naruto, you really are an idiot," he said sitting down on the couch. Sprawled out on the coffee table was a stash of beer cans and bottles that his father had hidden away. Only, they weren't so hidden anymore.

Ramenpwned: Naruto followed him to the living room. When he saw the condition of the place he scowled. Had Shikamari really let himself fall to a point like this? "Shit Shika..." Placing the gift down on the table, he started to pick up some of the garbage and cans. "You really need to start cleaning up... Doesn't your mom get mad when she sees this stuff?"

konohashadowman: "The shrew is not here. Neither is the asshole," he said grabbing one of the still half full cans.

Ramenpwned: Naruto growled at Shikamaru. "I- I wish you wouldn't call your parents names like that." Picking up a few more cans he moved to the kitchen to toss them away. When he returned he picks up a few more.

konohashadowman: "Why? They obviously weren't fucking here were they?"

Ramenpwned: Naruto sighed, not wanting Shikamaru's word irritate him. Shikamaru had the right to be upset right now, but Naruto's own sensitivity towards parents still bothered him a little. Tossing a few more cans out, Naruto plopped himself down on the couch and shoved the box into Shikamaru's arm.

"Open the fucking gift."

konohashadowman: He sighed closing his eyes. He was tired, and his head was spinning. He opened it slowly and laughed. "What the fuck Naruto?"

Ramenpwned: Naruto smiled lightly. "It's just a little something. It's really hard to find something that you'll remotely like besides chess, or like...clouds. So I got you something comfy for your feet."

Naruto rested back against the couch and watched Shikamaru from the corner of his eye. "Have you talked to ..Temari yet?" Being good friends with both Temari and Shikamaru was a little difficult. He himself had only spoken to Temari here and there and knew that they really needed to talk to each other. He carefully watched Shikamaru.

konohashadowman: He crossed his arms and looked away. "She's obviously doing just fine on her own..." he said in a hateful voice.

Ramenpwned: Naruto nodded slowly. Not in agreement not in disagreement. "And... you? Besides drinking and making a hellhole out of your house."

konohashadowman: "Well what the hell is she out doing? Screwing who she can to forget about me?" he said eyes narrowing harder and looking at the wall.

Ramenpwned: Naruto let his eyes fall on Shika again. "You really think she did that?"

konohashadowman: "Did what? Fuck someone else or the forgetting me part?"

Ramenpwned: "Don't snap at me! ...and for both parts. I- I don't think she really did that stuff. Maybe she just wants to see if you would react like this..." This was hard. He wanted them both to just get back together. They were both important to him.

konohashadowman: "Well I think she really has....because it's falling into what she's used to. As she said, she's done it before me, what changes it after me. I was just something to pass the time..." he said his eyes threatening to tear up.

Ramenpwned: Naruto grabbed Shikamaru's shoulder. "You weren't something to pass the time..."

konohashadowman: "Then what was I Naruto?" he said coldly.

Ramenpwned: "More then just a pastime! I know you meant more to her then anyone. I knew by the way she reacted to you. The way she'd talk about you. The look in her eye when you showed up at my Christmas party." He said fast, blinking uneasily at Shika.

konohashadowman: "If I meant more than anyone, then why the hell did she let me go?" He hated this feeling. He hated it with a passion. "The look in her eye at that party was probably in disqust that I was there...."

Ramenpwned: "Did you let her let you go?" He asked, trying to keep his mind from getting to jumbled.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru shot a glare over at Naruto his eyes furrowed. "Hmph" he said turning to look back over to the wall.

Ramenpwned: Naruto sighed and crossed his arms. When Shikamaru did those little noises, he knew that Shikamaru knew he was wronged. "She must feel so- simple. If that makes any sense."

konohashadowman: "Explain," he said shortly.

Ramenpwned: "Well," Naruto started, looking up. "If something like that happened to me and my boyfriend just- let me go like that...I'd feel pretty unneeded. Like it didn't matter to him. I'd feel almost....used." He said it as softly as he could, not wanting to upset Shikamaru. "Maybe Temari feels like you didn't want to fight to keep her. Girls are like that. They like to feel like they're others would fight to keep them. Like reassurance." He smiled lightly.

konohashadowman: "So I'm just the unforgiving asshole like I've always been told. Shit..." he grumbled arms still crossed. His brows dropped and softened just a little, his voice quiet. "I didn't know what to do...."

Ramenpwned: "You're not getting what I'm saying. No one said you were an asshole. You just need to talk to her, Shika. Let her know you cared. Cared and wanted to stay with her."

konohashadowman: "And I've tried talking to her. I fucking told her I would have married her.....what is there left to say how you cared than that? But what happens to me....it's thrown in my face and I feel like an idiot. I'm the fool, because I'm young. Because it's my first relationship....so it must seem like I only think I mean it right?" he said. He'd kept all those thoughts in all this time. Wondered if she cared. Wondered if it hurt as much as it did him. He did care. He should have went after her, but he was too damn shocked to do anything at the time. He never thought he'd actually lose her. He thought he was the best thing to happen and that she wouldn't run from it. He was mistaken. Just like he mistaken himself for calming up and not fighting for it.

Ramenpwned: Naruto listened intently and patted Shikamaru on the shoulder. "Young...yeah, I don't blame you for feeling like you can't express yourself the way you want to. A lot of people have the same hard time at this age. But sometimes, you have to just clech your teeth and take the plunge. You really do love her, don't you? Let her see that. Show her. Sometimes it takes much more then just body language. The heart and mind needs to hear it. Even if it's just once in a while." He thought back to his own experience. In a way, Shikamaru and Temari reminded him of himself and Sasuke.

konohashadowman: "How do you show someone that's never had it? Someone that doesn't willingly accept love so freely? It's fucking hard. She doesn't want me anymore Naruto. I've changed too much. I'm not who I was when I started dating her, that's what she said. I'm a screw up, and a coward."

"I am a coward," he said again sternly.

Ramenpwned: "No one ever said love was easy. But no one ever said is was hard either." He wanted to say much more, but he couldn't quite find the words. "All I can say is fight. Stay on the top and show her that you can still be everything that she'll ever need."

konohashadowman: "Well it's pretty difficult to do when she's in the arms of someone else now isn't it? Someone who only uses her for sex. I know...." he said clenching the now empty can "I know it can't feel the same...."

Ramenpwned: Naruto's eyes softened all the more. "Shika..." He wanted nothing more then for the both of them to get back together. He wanted to get up and bring Temari over here right away! But what could he really do? "...Want to go to a strip club?"

konohashadowman: He crunched the can more just thinking about some other guy touching her, kissing her, being close with her. The whole thought made his head hurt, and made his stomach turn.3

Ramenpwned: At the hurt look on Shikamaru's face, he lightly grabbed Shikamaru's wrist. "Come on...let's go outside on the town. Lets go relax, ne?"

konohashadowman: He grumbled throwing the can. "Fine" he said coldly.

Ramenpwned: Naruto nodded and pulled Shikamaru with him. "I'll drive. Let's go check out downtown. Unwind." He smiled at Shika.

konohashadowman: He grumbled as he got hauled into the car and downtown. "Where are we going?" he said flatly.

Ramenpwned: Starting the car, they started down the road and quickly reached downtown. By now the place was a light with life. "We're going to sneak into a strip club that is just down the street." He grinned mischievously.

konohashadowman: "What? Naruto....a strip club?" He grumbled. He suddenly didn't like the idea.

Ramenpwned: "Why not?" Naruto said, laughing.

konohashadowman: "It's....crude..." he said. Though as of late he couldn't deny he'd been horney as hell. Not like he'd ever let anyone know that.

Ramenpwned: Naruto shrugged. "Ah, it's can't be that bad, can it? Let's just check it out." Pulling up behind the strip club, he stepped out of the car and peered around.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru stepped out of the car, following Naruto. "You don't know how to be stealthy do you?" he said just walking up to the front door.

Ramenpwned: "Sure I'm stealthy. I was a ninja in a past life...Are you sure we should go through the front door? We are underage." Naruto said.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru sighed and knocked on the door. As soon as it was opend and an big man crossed his arms in front of then. "Ah....tck...Nara Shikaku's son....you want to start something with him by not letting me in?" he said sternly. The guy paused sighed and spoke, "Go in...."

Shikamaru waved his hand for Naruto to follow.

"The old goat is a regular costumer....." he said grumbling.

How did he get drug into this?

Ramenpwned: Naruto's eyes went wide in amazement. "Holy shit, flippin lucky." Naruto followed Shikamaru in. The place was really busy! He looked around a little and his cheeks went a little bright with the sight of the dancers on the tables and stage. Every few seconds he'd lower his gaze to the floor.

konohashadowman: "This was your idea lover boy...you wanted in...don't act so modest..." he said as his own eyes went wide as one of the girls on the table grinned at him, her bra being stripped off. What the hell had he just gotten himself into. He shook his head and placed his hand over his face.

Ramenpwned: "Shut up." Naruto muttered. "Let's just go grab a table." He felt a little odd being inside here now. And girls were kinda...scary.

konohashadowman: "You find it" he said crossing his arms.

Ramenpwned: Walking over to a random table, he sat down and looked around. When the half naked waitress walked by he blushed a little and said, "Can I get-" Thinking back at Shikamaru's living room, he decided against alcohol. "some juice?"

The waitress gave him a funny look. "Juice? Are ya feeling alright there? How old are ya?"

Naruto twitched. "Uhh.."

konohashadowman: Shikamaru smacked him on the back lightly. "It's his birthday today, just hit the big old 18," he said putting on a fake smile to the topless waitress.

Ramenpwned: "EIGHT TEEN?" The waitress squealed, making Naruto jump, "WELL THEN THIS IS YER LUCKY DAY!" The waitress jumped around and snapped her fingers twice, many of the girls (and some male dancers) look over at her and their table. The waitress continued, "Well everyone! It looks like it's this little fellers 18th birthday and ya'll know what that means, right?! Free round of drinks to everyone and this little feller," She pointed to Naruto, "And his friend get three dancers EACH!" At that, the place exploded with cheers and Naruto looked about with a horrified look.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru's eyes went wide. What the hell just happend? He was just trying to get them out of the lurch, and he caused more of a troublesome situation than before. Wait, did the waitress say drinks? He could deal with that.

Ramenpwned: Suddenly, Naruto screamed with horror when he saw a pair of boobs pressing up against his arm. His stomach lurched and suddenly he regretted ever coming to this club. The music seemed to have gotten louder, and suddenly there was at least twelve dancers trying to show off to the two of them. Two glasses of beer were placed on the table as well as many busy waitresses started to pass out other drinks to the other costumers. Naruto tried to scoot away from the girl trying to press herself against him and he felt like his skin was crawling. She sneered at him, "What's the matter with you? Are you scared of me?"

konohashadowman: Shikamaru coughed. "I think he prefers the opposite of gender...." he said pointing at one of thier male dancers.

Ramenpwned: Naruto flailed. "Shika! Don't tell her that! You are suppose to be getting action, not me! You shouldn't have told them I was the birthday boy!" He screamed over the loud music. the girl dance seemed to have lost interest in him and waltzed off to another costumer. Just then, another girl got in his face. He flailed again. Soon, he saw another dancer, this one a red head straddling Shikamaru.

konohashadowman: Shikamaru's hands gripped the side of the chair. "Woah, woah....here..." he cleared his throat. "Um....Naruto I only came along because you drug me here. I don't whaaa---" his voice wavered out as the girl started rubbing herself against him. Shit did that feel good? He shook his head, his hands still on the sides of the chair. He cleared his throat again. "Um....excuse me miss...but uh...." he started, but she didn't seem to hear him.

Ramenpwned: Naruto placed his hand on the face of the girl now trying to dance against him. When he saw the look on Shikamaru's face he let out a burst of laughter.

konohashadowman: "Shi---it....Naruto this isn't funny...." he said his voice wavering again. Blast could this girl get off him already.

Ramenpwned: Just then, a male dancer walked up to the table and gave Naruto a look over. Naruto's eyes went huge in fear and terror at the sight of the guy and his laughs fell short. When the guy winked at him he flailed and covered his face with his hands. "Yeah- not funny anymore!"

konohashadowman: "Ahhh.....um...." he cleared his throat again. Damn the drinks he had before he got here...he couldn't think straight. Is this what his father came here for all the time? As the girl rubbed her hand across his crotch he suddenly thought they needed to get out of there. This wasn't doing him any good.

She giggled. "Oh big boy here...." she said getting closer, and continuing her lap dance of torture.

Ramenpwned: Feeling a hand on his shoulder, Naruto peeked his eye open but shut it closed tight when he saw that the guy had gotten closer.

"Are you a top or a bottom?" The dancer asked.

"OH HELL NO." Naruto screeched, pushing the guy away with his hand. "I thought we were just gonna watch some people on some stage! Not get this!"

konohashadowman: Shikamaru moved his hands putting them on the girls arms trying to get her off him. She only giggled again and pressed her chest to his, licking the side of his neck. "Damn it..." he grumbled.

Ramenpwned: Naruto pushed the guy away but this guy seemed pretty persistent. Naruto turned to watch Shikamaru struggle for a moment and raise an eyebrow. Shikamaru looked like he was half enjoying it. Suddenly he felt a kiss on his cheek.

The dance leered at him. "You look like a bottom... You seem pretty cute too." Suddenly he felt that hand on his shoulder slip down his arms.

Screeching again, Naruto glared, "Leave me alone!!"

konohashadowman: Once the girls hands went up his chest and fiddled with his nipple rings, he'd had enough. It hurt damn it. He grabbed her by the arms again and pulled her away from him slightly, speaking in a low, husky voice "Get off me..." he said.

Ramenpwned: The male dancer glared this time. "What the hell is your problem? Do you even want to be here? Why did you come?"

Naruto glared just as hard back. "Came here NOT to get molested, that's for sure!" He screamed.

konohashadowman: The girl pouted and smacked Shika slightly on the face. "Some fun you are, you a lazy ass or something?" she said.

Shikamaru's brows furrowed. "No just have more dignity than this..."

Ramenpwned: The dancer got up. "Misty. I think these two gentlemen shouldn't even be here. BRUNO!" The dance called in a very girly voice. "Can you escort these two lovely men out of the club? They don't want to play tonight." As this, a large man with dark sunglasses and a suit walked up to them. Naruto glared at both the dancer and the bouncer before the bounder grabbed him by the shirt collar. The man said nothing when he lifted Naruto out of his chair.

"Asshole!" Naruto sneered.

konohashadowman: "Seems you two make a living off playing with what you want. You always treat your customers like this when you don't get what you want?" he said crossing his arms.

Ramenpwned: The dancer snapped his fingers at Shika. "What you say to m, doesn't mean a thing! Bruno, just take them away! ick!" At that. The dance took hold of Shikamaru as well and pushed him along as he held a flailing Naruto. Naruto continued to wail and kick and soon Naruto found his side slamming hard against the sidewalk. He groaned loudly in pain.

konohashadowman: As the guy threw him outside along with Naruto, he landed on his stomach. Damn that hurt. He grumbled and glared back. "You may just loose your best costumer at that!" he said sneering.

Ramenpwned: When the stoic bouncer left, Naruto pulled himself into a sitting position and let out a long long, steadying breath. "Holy..."

konohashadowman: "See if Shikaku ever comes back here!" he yelled back. Damn he was pissed.

"Disgraceful bastards" he said muttering under his breath.

Ramenpwned: Naruto ran a hand through his hair and looked up to the sky. The stars were blinking brightly in the winter air. Slowly, a small smile broke onto Naruto's lips, and then a grin and then a chuckle escaped his throat. Soon, Naruto found himself laughing loudly into the air.

konohashadowman: His glare suddenly turned to Naruto..."this was your idea...." he seethed.

Ramenpwned: Letting his chuckles die down a little he turned to Shikamaru with a smile. "It was. And wasn't it just...so stupid? So silly to do this?"

konohashadowman: "Tells me completely the ridiculous ideas that come to your head."

Ramenpwned: Naruto barked out another laugh. "So what if I'm crazy. In the end, what did you learn from this though? Besides that lying is bad?"

konohashadowman: "That I don't like being felt up like a dog? How much I hate you for taking me here, and make me realize how much I miss Temari..." he said turning his head in the opposite direction.

Ramenpwned: "So you really do care about her. Everything that happened. It was on impulse. I don't think either of you wanted this to really happen but it just did. And in the end, you'll learn something from it all and not make the same mistake again. Like not just getting up and going to a strip club when you really don't want to and just end up fucking things up." He smiled.

konohashadowman: His face deadpanned and he shook his head. "Naruto...." he shook his head again.

Ramenpwned: "What is it, lazyass?"

konohashadowman: "Your an idiot," he said getting up and brushing himself off.

Ramenpwned: Naruto stood too and shoved Shikamaru with a grin. "An idoit who is right and wants you to get through this. You're not always a fucking genius."

konohashadowman: "Hmph" he said, letting a small piece of a smile creep on his face as he shoved him back.

Ramenpwned: He let out a chuckle. "Come on. Let's go back to your place and play video games."

Can't shake this...

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 18:54:03 GMT

I feel like I'm falling...slowley....losing what part of me was left. I can't control this feeling anymore....it won't go away. Shit...why won't it go away? Some fucking holiday. One where my old man and the shrew could care less. Chouji drug me over to his house...and I have to say....I've never missed my family so much.

I just....I wish I could control this. I wish the hurt would go away....I don't feel myself at all...

He'd laid in bed all day, staring at the ceiling. His damn emotions had gotten the best of him, and now he was beat. Shikamaru picked up his cell phone, and turned it on only the second time in the past two weeks. He dailed the number and waited for it's reciever to pick up.

Chouji jumped as the phone rang, and sat for a moment, hoping either his father or brother would pick it up. No such luck. He sighed, lifting the reciever with a weary "Akimichi residence, Chouji speaking."

His voice lingered in his throat for a minute before coming out weakly, "Chouji?"

Chouji was tempted to hang up, but his shoulder angel got the better of him, and he stayed on the line. "What is it, Shikamaru?"

"I'm sorry" he said just as weakly. He curled up on his side on the bed, holding to the phone between his shoulder and his cheek. He felt so horrible. He was starting to wish he wasn't so alone in this empty house.

"Whoa, sorry? You---are you apologizing to me?" Chouji gaped, amazed. His knot of anger loosened immediately. "Shika...hey, are you okay?"

His voice threatend to break, as he curled up more into a ball. The room was dark. He'd turned off all the lights and laid there. "No...." he admitted softly.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, b-but I can't...I can't fix everything, and it kills me that you keep asking me to..." Chouji whispered into the reciever.

He dropped the phone from his shoulder and let himself break. The phone lay in his hand as he didn't know what to say, or do. He was alone, and it was killing him. His parents were god knows where, and this was supposed to be the happiest time of the year. Right now it was the shittiest.

Chouji heard silence on the other end, broken by the soft, ragged sound of someone muffling tears. Chouji took a deep breath, slammed down the phone, and grabbed his coat.

It was cold in the room. It felt so cold, and not just because he was only clad in his pajama bottoms. This feeling just wouldn't go away. He curled up tighter and wrapped his arms around his chest, not caring anymore about the pain from the piercings. He wanted it to go away....just to go away.

Chouji wasn't a sprinter by any means, but he probably beat some kind of landspeed record in getting to Shikamaru's house. He didn't even bother to knock; he just walked in, kicked off his boots, and attempted to control his breathing.

He laid on the bed, still curled up, hair sprawled accross his face. He was asleep, and look drained.

Chouji flicked on the lights as he walked up the stairs, wondering why Shikamaru was bound and determined to make his empty house into a cave. He knocked on his bedroom door, quietly saying "So Santa sent me out this way, saying you've been naughty but had a change of heart..."

He squinted his eyes upon hearing the knock on the door. He had heard a knock hadn't he? He opened his eyes staring blankly at the window that was covered with the curtians.

Chouji pushed the door open, sighing at the boy curled up in the bed. He looked miserable. Why did he make harboring his 'little secret' so hard on him? There was nothing he wanted to do more right now than to hold Shikamaru until he stopped shaking...

He saw the light come in from the hallway as the door was open. He knew those heavy steps. "I can't do this Chouji...." he said weakly, his back still to him, and curled up.

"Me either," Chouji said softly, his chest aching. "I wish I could fix it, but I can't. Please don't make me try..."

"I'm sorry" he said again, shaking. His walls were down, his defenses out of wack. On this so glorious time of year, he couldn't be happy. He'd try and only end up rerouting his mind back to everything that made him upset. Usually he was happy and sarcastic, now he was just angry and sad. How could one girl do this to him? He was ruining himself, and he knew it. He just didn't know how to fix it.

Chouji sat down on the edge of the bed, wincing at the sound of the springs creaking. He put a hand still cold from the outside on his shoulder, sighing deeply. "I'm still here, Shika."

He didn't even flinch at the cold hand on his shoulder. "It wasn't supposed to be this way...." he said in a hoarse voice.

"So much for us and the girls having Christmas and drinking hot chocolate, yeah," Chouji agreed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry this Christmas has sucked so much."

He sniffed. "But you still have your girl...so go off with her."

"I'm not going to leave you," Chouji said firmly, his fingers tightening into his shoulder. "I won't leave you. Not when you're like this."

"I'm fine by myself," he lied. "The old goat and his shrew should be back sometime right? I'll be okay..." he said nodding, trying to convince himself.

Chouji shook his head. "No. You're not okay. You need hot chocolate with ridiculous amounts of whipped cream. You need your best friend with you."

He narrowed his eyes, still looking at the clothed window, hoping that it would hide the ridiculous tears he was shedding. "Do....do you think she misses me at all? That...." he stopped. He couldn't finish the sentence.

Chouji sighed again, closing his eyes. "I can't speak for her. I wish I could, but...but I can't tell you anything more than we still care about you."

"I know..." he said in a still hoarse voice.

"If I made you some hot chocolate, would you drink it?" he asked softly, hopefully.

"I might..." he said weakly, moving to sit up and pulling his hair back out of his face in his half-hair do.

Chouji picked up a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt from the floor, tossing them at him. "Then get these on. This Christmas, you're an honorary Akimichi, and you're going to come, drink hot chocolate, open the present I got you, and eat far more than you'd like to."

"Those are dirty...." he said throwing them back down to the floor. He stood up lazily going to dresser and pulling out a new pair of jeans and black ribbed turtleneck.

"Picky, picky," Chouji muttered, leaving the room so that he could change.

He rubbed his eyes with his arm before changing into his clothes and putting on some shoes. He walked out of the room, eyes puffy and looked to his friend, before shutting the room door. As he shut it, he heard a loud hollor coming from inside the room. The runt was still in there.

Chouji chuckled. "Bring the kitten, too. She can stay warm enough on the walk there if you put her in your jacket."

Shikamaru opened the door, putting his hand on his hip. "What do you want little runt?" She looked up to him with wide eyes and hollored again until he picked her up holding her in his hands, but away from him. She meowed again looking at him. He grumbled. "Fine" he said softly placing her against his chest as they walked down the stairs.

Chouji didn't say anything, but he was inwardly glad that Shikamaru was coming with him. He felt better when he could keep an eye on him, no matter how their relationship was faring.

At the door, Shikamaru handed the kitten to Chouji as he put his coat on.

Chouji did the obligatory petting and cooing over the kitten, until she wriggled and purred happily in his hands. She may have been Shikamaru's now, but she was still his baby.

His coat on, he made grabby hands at his little runt.

Chouji chuckled, handing the kitten back to him. He straightened his scarf, blew on his still-cold hands, and walked out the door.

Shikamaru tucked the little girl in his coat, as she snuggled up to his chest. He proceeded out the door and on the way to Chouji's house.

Chouji yawned and stuck his hands in his pockets. "My nipples still smart."

"No shit..." Shikamaru said. "You think I'm not in pain at the moment? She's fucking leaning up against one side..." he said looking down at the purring kitten.

"Yeah, but she's small and sweet and therefore worth it."

"Hmph..." he said as she shivered from the slight breeze that passed through.

"Yeah, 'hmph' all you want...you two are meant for each other. What are you going to name her?" Chouji asked.

"Cat's are troublesome.....This one is no exception."

"Mmm, you say that," he murmured. "But you're mostly just talk."

"Oki...." he said, "It's soothing..."

"Sounds good," Chouji said diplomatically. "Oki it is."

"Right now it's still runt..." He zipped his coat up a bit more as the breeze brushed passed them. "I get any shit from your brother I'm going to smack him in the face..."

"Smack him twice," Chouji said darkly. "Once for me."

As their shoes shuffled in the snow they finally came to the door. Shikamaru looked down to check on the kitten...she was already asleep.

Chouji opened up the door, ushering Shikamaru in to the warm, sweet-smelling house. Christmas ham with apples, cinnamon, and gingerbread was heavy in the air. Chouza and Chouichi looked vaguely startled to see him---they hadn't seen Chouji leave.

Shikamaru walked in, looking tired, weary and not himself. He sniffed from the cold, but suddenly realized how much he actually missed his own family.

Shikamaru took off his coat and placed it on the rack, holding his little runt and sat down on the couch.

Chouji sat down next to him with a sigh, rubbing his hands together. Chouichi leered from the recliner, pretending to read his book.

Chouza come over from the kitchen placing a fatherly hand on Shikamaru's head. "Hey boy, you look awefully skinny nowadays...your old man not feeding you enough?" he said in a concerned tone.

"That's what I keep saying, Dad," Chouji said irritably. "But he always complains when I feed him."

Shikamaru turned his head, shaking the hand off, and grunted. "I'm fine" he said sighing.

Chouza patted him on the shoulder. "Growing up boy...hard to believe you two were just in diapers what seems like a few years ago. You look good kid...." he said patting him on the head again. "Though you could gain a few pounds...and wipe those bags under your eyes...look like your heart was broken...."

Chouji didn't add that that was exactly what had happened. It didn't need repeating. "I second all that. I think we need to go on a vacation before school starts again."

Chouza chuckled and tighted the apron that was wrapped around him. "Well kids, going back to do some more cooking. Seems I need to stuff you up with food." He patted Shikamaru again. "It'll be alright kid...your a tough one." he said before going back into the kitchen.

Chouichi snorted, eyeing Shikamaru over the top of his book. "Tough like a noodle, Dad. The skinny brat is hardly tough shit."

"Hey watch your mouth! That kid can outsmart you any day...just keep reading that book."

Chouichi grumbled at the rebuke, getting back to his book because his father would stick up for Shikaku's kid any day.

"That's what I thought," he said pointing his spatuala at him. He smiled cheerily at Chouji and Shikamaru. "Keep his chin up Chouji..." he said whistling a jingle bells as he went back to cooking.

Chouji smiled a little, looking down. "Trying, Dad," he said softly. "Trying."

Shikamaru continued to stare at the little kitten in his lap as he rubbed her head over and over again lightly.

"You're going to give her bald spots," Chouji mumbled.

Shikamaru shot over a glare. "I'm not rubbing that hard..." he huffed.

*Private to Shikamaru*

I can't do this....I just can't. I can't ease the pain at all. No amounts of alcohol can take it away. This depression...I don't do it well. I don't feel myself. I feel alone. I feel empty. I feel like nothing will shake me out of this. She was it. Not just because it's my first relationship. I could have ignored her from the beginning if that was the case. Turned away like I do to most troublesome women. She was different. She challanged me, she gave me something to be excited about. I let it slip through my fingers because I cared so damn much....I hate this.

*Private to Temari*

Does it hurt you at all? Do you ever think of me? Six months couldn't have been nothing....just a phase. You don't know what you do to me.....

I at least hope your happy...

I just always wanted to be the one that made you smile...

Nobody knows...nobody cares...

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 18:10:16 GMT

Apparently I got so piss ass drunk the other afternoon that Chouji followed me. On top of that I apparently wasn't in my right mind when making decisions and ended up with a pair of nipple rings. What the hell? So next morning not only did my head hurt, spinning from a hangover, but now there's a extra added kick of pain. I don't remember shit...that's what bothers me. *Sighs and holds head* Apparently, I also dished out $160 bucks for these blistering, pain induced metal rings...therefore, Chouji wouldn't let me take them out. Note to self....not to drink passed 5 drinks again. Once I reach the sixth or more I don't even remember a damn thing. Shit I don't even like the taste of it...

Shikamaru walked to his door, fumbling with the keys to get it open. He dropped them on the ground at least five times before finally getting the key into the hole. Now the problem was getting the blasted door open. "Shit..." he said fumbling with the door.

Chouji blew on his hands to warm them, walking up and leaning against the door before Shikamaru could open it. With his weight against it, there was little or no chance he'd be able to open it unless he moved. "Don't tell me you're actually thinking about driving."

"I have to get out of here...move Chouji..." he said looking at him, eyes glazed over from the alcohol.

"Make me," Chouji replied flatly, arms crossed over his chest. "The hell are you getting drunk for? What...no, never mind. You're not going to drive." He wriggled out of his coat and tossed it at Shikamaru. "We're walking home. Wear that, or you'll freeze, as drunk as you are."

"I'm not leaving my car, damn it," he slurred as the coat smacked him in the face and fell to the snow filled ground. He grumbled tossing it back to Chouji. "I don't need it!"

Chouji grabbed him by his shirtfront so that he'd keep still as he forced the coat on him. "You're drunk, not dressed for the elements, and not able to feel that you're losing heat because you're drunk. You do need it."

He grumbled, "Whatever!" as he fumbled with his keys again. They had fallen back to the ground in the snow.

Chouji beat him to it, nimbly fishing the keys out of the snow and putting them into his pocket. He grinned, but it held no humor. "So either we walk, or you drunkenly feel me up in bad attempts to get the keys out of my pants. My vote's on number one."

His eyes narrowed, giving Chouji his death glare. "I hate you!" he grumbled as he started to walk, and trying to keep his balance in on the small patches of ice in the snow.

"You'll thank me for it someday," Chouji said, sighing loudly and brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "I hope, at least, 'cause I could be doing a lot more productive things than walking your sorry ass home."

Slipping a little, then somehow regaining his balance he spoke, "Like what? Playing smoochie face with Ino?"

"Smoochie face with Ino would be high on the list," Chouji admitted, unruffled. He put a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder, to help him balance. "My jedi senses say that you have a problem with that."

He grunted, drunkenly pushing Chouji's hand away.

Chouji replaced his hand, slightly digging his fingers in. "Don't try brushing me off, Nara. I don't get pushed away that easily. Why the hell are you mad at me?"

He grumbled again. "I'm pissed at the world, didn't you figure that out" he huffed. Walking a few more steps, the ice and his drunken state got the best of him and he landed flat on his ass.

Chouji sighed, resisting the urge to smack his forehead. Bad news---Shikamaru would probably break his leg getting home. Good news---if he was laid up with a cast, he might stop going out to get drunk. Maybe. Hopefully. Probably not. He hunkered down, holding out a hand to help him up. "C'mon, Grace. I don't want to have to carry you again."

Shikamaru ignored his hand and attempted to stand on his own. Halfway up he looked to the store that they had just paused at. It was the same shop his father had taken him to get the tattoo. He suddenly laughed, standing all the way up, pointing. "I know that place!" he slurred out.

"Yeah?" Chouji asked, looking dubiously at the fizzing neon sign. It read HOLY COW PIERCING AND TATTOO, and he wasn't sure how far he trusted it. "And?"

He mumbled a bit in his words, "That's where the old made gave me the bitch of a tattoo!" His words came out all wrong, but made sense to him. His mind was already starting to go off into never never land, and not Shika at all.

Chouji bit his lower lip. Smart people got incredibly stupid once they started drinking. "Yeah, I know. You never did show me it. But, anyway---come on, up you go, we're going home..."

"Waaaaiiiit" he drew out. "Let's go in...." he said as he marched to the door.

"In?" Chouji echoed, fear setting in. "B-but---!"

Walking in, the little bell in the corner of the door jingled. "Woah....the room is spinning..." Shikamaru said as he walked around.

"That's why we're going home," Chouji said firmly, clamping his hands on his shoulders and attempting to steer him back out the door. "Blankets and black coffee and happy little white pills for you, my friend."

Shikamaru spotted an employee, and spoke. "What else you do?" he said, pulling up his shirt only slightly, showing the tip of his tattoo that resided on his hip. He looked down at it and pointed, "Got that here..."

Chouji wasn't going to shake him. He may have been acting like a child in need of a good shaking, but no, he wasn't going to stoop to that. He took a deep breath, held it a moment, and then let it out again. "We're not getting anything, Shikamaru. We're going home."

Shikamaru pulled down the waistband of his jeans just enough to see a little more of the tattoo. "It says dream.....not....fucking...sissy!" he pouted still looking at it.

Chouji tried not to stare at the tattoo---he just had to get it in a place he wasn't supposed to be drawn to looking at, didn't he?---and took to closing his eyes and nodding emphatically instead. "I know it doesn't say sissy, but you don't have to prove your masculinity by getting holes punched in your body!"

He looked at Chouji, eyes lazier than usual from the alcohol. "No shit...they pierce?"

"Yes---no---NO," Chouji ground out, sounding strangled. "SHIKA. WE'RE GOING HOME. No drunken decisions for you---"

The woman working behind the counter, a too-skinny tom-girl with a crew cut and more piercings than Chouji could count offhand, smirked at the two. "One of you going to get pierced, or are you both going to sit and squabble like a married couple?"

Shikamaru shuddered. "Ewww....."

Chouji seconded that with a shudder. "He's just being dumb, and not making good decisions," he said firmly. "And he isn't, uh...especially with me."

Staggering a bit in his balance he walked over and looked at the lady. "What do you pierce?"

Her smirk widened. "What don't we pierce? Ears, nose, lips, nipples---even your dingaling if you're a good boy. It makes the ol' grind a little more interesting, if you ask me."

Shikamaru's mind wondered to back when he had a girlfriend. And the mere thought of a needle going through his...it was too much to handle. He staggered again as he tried to hold himself up. "Well...I already got double ear peircings....something different....but...uh...no touching my property...." he said lazily.

"Shika---" Chouji hissed between his teeth. He wasn't actually thinking about getting pierced, was he? Goddammit...once he was sober, he'd never let him live this down. He wouldn't forgive him for letting him do this, but it wasn't like he could talk him out of it, either...shit, shit, shit...

Shikamaru grumbled and looked back to Chouji. "I need a change...." he said. "You guys wanted me to get out of the house and do something. So...this is what I'm doing..."

"Change is always good," the woman behind the counter agreed, thumbing the ball on her lip piercing. "So are both of you getting something, or just Slim Jim here?"

Chouji closed his eyes. He could feel the headache coming on, echoes of you'll never live it down drowning out all clear thought. "B-both. What---what are you getting, Shika?"

Shikamaru got a drunken smile on his face. "That's the spirit buddy!" he said patting him on the back slightly. He turned back to the lady and looked at her lazily. "I had thought about nipple piercings once...but uh....I don't know..."

She tapped her lower lip, as in deep thought. "Shirts off, both of you. Let me see if those nipples are pinchable."

He was usually self concious, but at this point too drunk to care. He took it off his jacket followed by his shirt.

"So what you think?"

The girl motioned for Chouji to take his shirt off as well, pointedly ignoring the raging blush that was turning the boy tomato-faced. "C'mon, you too. I need to assess you both, because you're obviously a package deal."

Chouji stammered and blush, knotting his hands in the hem of his baggy shirt. Why the hell did Shikamaru have to pick nipples, of all things? Another ear piercing he could have done. Lip, nose, eyebrow---but NO, it had to be something that forced him to take off his shirt in front of a scary-looking stranger.

"Come on Chouji...it's not that bad..."

Chouji glowered at Shikamaru. When he was sober again, he would have fierce words for him. After a brief and terrible fight with his self esteem, he sighed loudly, taking off his sweatshirt and the baggy shirt underneath. This was humiliating. Absolutely humiliating.

The piercing girl sized up Shikamaru first, probably taking far longer admiring his torso than was needed to check him out. She gave one nipple a little tweak, pleased that he didn't even blink. She smirked again at Chouji when it was his turn, mostly because he was pouting like some horribly overgrown three-year-old, his arms crossed over his chest. Yeah, he was a little on the portly side, but he wasn't that bad looking.

"What you looking at?" Shikamaru slurred. "Should I get them or not?" he said huffing, crossing his arms. He looked over at Chouji...what was he so worried about?

The girl was being far too friendly for Chouji's taste. She kept getting an itchy little smirk on her face like she was laughing at him. He didn't appreciate a complete stranger poking at his chest.

"Well," the girl said, standing back and nodding. "I think you both can do just that. I'd actually encourage it for you, Chubbs, 'cause it'll help finish that whole wild-man tribal thing you've got going. And it'll make anyone want to lick you all up, Slim."

Shikamaru looked at the woman oddly. She didn't just say lick him up did she? He shook his head, fearing the alcohol was now making him so delusional that he was getting hit on. Impossible.

Chouji was still trying to wrap his mind around his new nickname---Chubbs? That was just plain cruel---and his designation as 'wild-man tribal'. Yeah, he had long hair and facial tattoos, but that made him a wild-man tribal? What?

His arms still crossed he sighed. "So...lets get started then.."

"Lie down, boys, so I can start my sweet ministrations. Who's going first, who's paying, and who's doing the paperwork? Mr. Slim-Jim with the lean chest, or Mr. Chubbs with the bitch tits?"

Shikamaru pulled out his wallet from his back pocket throwing it on the counter. "There's the money..."

Chouji stared at the girl, blinking. "Bitch tits?" If he hadn't been self-concious about his weight before (ha, ha, ha), he certainly was now.

Shikamaru laid down on the counter. "Go at it...while I'm still too drunk to think about it..."

"Mmm, you're a brave one," the piercer said, getting gloves on and sanitizing his right nipple. She then proceeded to pinch and massage it, much to Chouji's horror.

Shikamaru closed his eyes. "This a part of proceedure...or you just looking for an excuse to feel me up?"

"Maybe a little of both," she said, winking. "But really, I need your muscles to relax before I stick this sonofabitch in, 'kay?"

Chouji closed his eyes when she stuck the needle in. He was alright with getting his own piercings, because he had a relatively high tolerance for pain. Watching other people, though...it made his nipples hurt just looking at it.

Shikamaru winced slightly. He was okay though...right? He'd had a needle like this before with the tattoo...he could handle this? "Fuck that hurts...." he managed to get out. He didn't scream or flinch much more after that.

"Doing good," she said, giving his cheek a reassuring pat. "Now we'll just let that sit for a bit with the needle in, and start on the other one, mmkay?"

He scrunched his eyes together a little tighter and nodded.

Chouji knew he was staring, but he couldn't help it. And for once, it wasn't out of any kind of muddled attraction. "It just SITS THERE?"

She laughed loudly at his expression of mute horror, nodding. "Yeah. Sits in there for a few minutes---gets nice and cozy. Don't worry, chubbikins, your little man boobs get to have a go at it next."

As she proceeded to do the same to the next side with the massage, Shikamaru chuckled. "Heh, I could get a little turned on by this..." he said his eyes still closed.

"That costs extra," said the piercer, smiling widely as Chouji choked behind them.

"Heh....I have plenty of money...." he joked.

"Not for that, you don't," Chouji growled, bound and determined to be the one good influence. Dammit, why did he always have to be the adult? He was technically the younger of the two!

As she shoved the next needle in, he winced again and shivered. The worst was over right? "Now what?" he managed to ask calmly.

"You just let it sit, and the ring basically pushes out the needle. No worries; it shouldn't take long. Then your little friend will get his turn at it."

Shikamaru turned over to Chouji. "Not so bad...."

"Only because you're too drunk to feel anything," Chouji hissed angrily, not looking forward to his own impending pricking. Ino was going to kill him---not unless he could kill Shikamaru first....

Shikamaru laughed nervously as she finally pushed the ring through.

Finished, she patted his head. "Good boy. No tears, even. I'd pegged you a crier, too."

He got up slowley and sat for a minute. The dizzyness was starting to go to his head.

"How about you be a good little boy and go have one of the suckers on the counter? It should keep your blood sugar from dropping, in case you get woozy." She looked up, smirking at Chouji. "You're next."

He stood up slowley, wobbling over to the counter. He didn't make it. He slid down to the floor from the counter and sat there for a minute, the suckers falling on his head. He grumbled. "Shit."

Chouji sighed, feeling far too like a nanny. This was getting ridiculous. He knelt down next to Shikamaru, picking up the suckers, unwrapping one and sticking it in his mouth, and then going to meet his destiny with the needle.

He grumbled as the sucker was stuck in his mouth. "I don't like cherry...."

She beckoned Chouji with a come-hither finger, chuckling as he grumbled and laid down, squeezing his eyes shut. "Aww, relax big boy! It'll only pinch a little, and you can always get your friend to hold your hand if you want."

Chouji muttered a short litany of curses as she slid the first needle in, managing to work Shikamaru's name in several times.

Shikamaru threw out the cherry sucker, finding another one sitting beside him. He looked at it. It looked like orange. He shrugged unwrapping it and sticking it in his mouth.

"Fucking---shit---fuck that burns," Chouji growled, his hands curling into fists. "Aren't you supposed to---massage it or whatever?"

Shikamaru popped another sucker in his mouth.

"Well, it didn't seem like you wanted me to," she said irritably, and then leaned over to massage his other nipple. Chouji blushed furiously. "Got a girlfriend, Chubbs, or is Sucker the Kid over there your little boy?"

"I think not!" Shikamaru said offended.

"I have a girlfriend," Chouji said stiffly, just to emphasize the point. "Now stick that fucking needle in before I chicken out and end up with only o---SHIT!"

Shikamaru grumbled, sticking yet another sucker in his mouth. His mind was starting to wonder towards Temari again, and that wasn't good. He stretched his legs out more, mumbling to himself.

"There you are," the piercer said, patting Chouji's flushed cheek. "You were a good boy, too. Once you two pay, you can have a sucker all your own."

Shikamaru grabbed one of the suckers and pelted it at Chouji.

It bounced off Chouji's chest, and he frowned at it. "I hate the 'mystery' flavored ones. They always end up being apple," he mused, sitting up. He regretted it instantly; his nipples felt like they were on fire, and he had to bite his lip to keep from yelping in pain. Oh yeah. Shika was going to die the moment he was sober.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he said looking to Chouji. He sighed and rested his head back against the counter. His wallet fell in his lap.

"Because I'm going to fucking skin you alive," Chouji said between his teeth. "Now pay the nice lady and let's go home."

He grumbled handing the lady his wallet. "I have plenty. Not like I'll be spending any of it on this fucking holiday."

"Save the Christmas bitching," Chouji growled, his temper completely frayed. Why did he always get into these kind of jams with Shikamaru? "Pay her. Now. Before I get pissed."

He waved the wallet around again. He didn't want to get up. "How much?" he mumbled out.

"160," she said shortly, snapping her gum. She sat two bottles out on the counter. "Clean them twice a day with the solution, use ice to lessen the pain and swelling, don't twist - they're not the same as earrings, that'll just aggravate them. Treat it basically like you would a wound, because technically that's what it is. Other than that, pay up and have a nice day."
butterflynin: Chouji was starting to feel a little worried. Pain? Swelling? Wounds? Whhhhhhyyyyyy, Shikamaru, WHY?

Shikamaru stumbled getting up, using the counter as leverage. Finally on his feet he looked through the wallet handing her the cash. "There's my overtime money...some shit that did for me..." he grumbled smacking it down on the counter. He looked to the other side of the room where Chouji was. "Chouji...why are there two of you?" he said suddenly feeling really sick.

"I hope to God I don't have an evil twin," Chouji said soberly. "'Cause he might just kill you, and I'd get blamed for muder. Uh...Shika? You okay?"

Shikamaru shook his head and looked down to the floor, his hair falling in his face. "My head hurts..." he said quietly.

Oh shit. There were the magic words. He either felt like getting sick, or was going to within the next thirty seconds---it'd been that way since they were little. He quickly thanked the piercer, more than half picked Shikamaru up, and got him outside as quickly as possible.

As soon as they stepped foot outside he threw up on the sidewalk, then plopping down in the snow. Shit it was cold. "Where's my shirt?" he said looking down at his bare chest. He went to speak again and turned his head to throw up once more.

"Didn't want you to throw up on the floor," Chouji muttered. "Not good for the sterilization. I'll get it...no need for us both to get pnemonia, now that we have wounds in our nipples."

He leaned back against the wall. It was cold. "Wounds?" he said now completely out of it. "I want to sleep...." he muttered.

Chouji came back with their shirt, already having had wriggled his back on. The fabric brushing against his nipples was nothing short of excruciating. He handed the shirt and jacket back to Shikamaru, sighing. "Can you walk, or am I going to carry you? 'Chouji' seems to be your new mode of transportation. Not car, not boat, not bike---we'll go by Chouji."

Shikamaru grumbled grabbing his shirt, not even caring that he put it on backwards. The shirt followed by his coat. He didn't feel pain at the moment, just the sound of ringing in his ears, and the spinning of his head. He managed to get up, using the wall to support himself. He stood slowley, looking as if he would be sick again.

Chouji looped a supportive arm around his back, helping him stand with some kid of steadiness. "I'm serious, man. If you're not up to it, I can carry you."

Shikamaru turned his head away from Chouji, removing his arm. He threw up once more. "I think....I had too much to drink...." he said weakly.

It hurt to be pushed away. Then again, he should have been used to it by this point. "You didn't need me to tell you that, no. Damn, Shika...I'm...sorry." Chouji hung his head. "...what was it today? School? Temari? ...Ino and me?"

He leaned back up against the wall, so that he was hidden in the shadows. He hung his own head down, his voice weak, "I can't get her out of my head Chouji. I swear to God I try...."

"I know, but...but drinking isn't helping, is it?" Chouji asked hoarsely. "All it's leading to is you drinking, and me walking you home every fucking time 'cause I know I'm going to find you frozen to death in Shikaku's ditch if I don't! Do you think I like doing this?"

He started to laugh. "I don't even like the taste of it..."

"Then why, Shika?" he asked, hearing his own voice crack. He'd tried to play it down with snippity comments and misplaced humor, but ever since the Christmas party, Shikamaru had lain like a weight on his chest that almost nothing could lift. Ino could...she'd proven that, but...

He sighed, his voice lower and his head hung low. "I don't know...."

"Me either, man," Chouji said, trying to ignore the way his eyes wanted to itch and burn. 'Sensitive' didn't equate 'crybaby', he told himself waspishly. He cried too much.

Shikamaru's body threatend to fall again into the snow. He just wanted sleep now. His head wouldn't stop spinning.

"Whoa there," Chouji murmured, and picked him up. This was starting to become more and more normal, much to his dismay... "Fine. I'll wait until tomorrow to kill you for all this..."

"Kill me for what?" he said sleepily, closing his eyes as his friend held him up.

And now I managed to piss my best friend off. He went back home, and this house is empty again. Don't know where the old goat is or the shrew for that matter. Yeah...some fucking Christmas this is going to be.

Shikamaru woke up grogily out of bed. He padded to the bathroom. Upon splashing his face with water he woke up, wondering why the hell he was in pain. When he finally looked up into the mirror he screamed, "WHAT THE HELL?"

The strangled scream from the bathroom was enough to wake Chouji up. He tumbled off the couch, landing on his chest. This got him screaming, too, out of sheer agony.

His brows knitted in confusion and pain. He pulled at on of the studs only to find it in pain. "FUCK!" he screamed again. When the hell did this happen? He stumbled out of the bathroom and out of the room, he still had a blasted hangover from hell to match.

Chouji fumbled around for the ice pack he'd gotten for himself in the middle of the night, pressing it to his aching nipples with a low moan. Of all the stupid shit...well, at least it sounded like Shikamaru had woken up and was suffering as well...

He stumbled down the stairs, trying not to fall in his anger and hangover. He had a pounding headache, now he had more pain. His brows knitted together he came accross Chouji on the couch. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" he said in an attempt to point at the offended body parts.

"That," Chouji growled. "Is you making decisions under the influence of alcohol."

He sat down on the coffee table. "the fuck no I didn't! I'd remember something of the sort!"

"You were smashed," Chouji said, in the same slow tone one uses with a small child. "You decided that it would be a GOOD IDEA to stumble in a tattoo parlor and get your nipples pierced. I couldn't talk you out of it, so..." he winced, massaging his chest. "So I pierced mine, too."

He crossed his arms and grumbled, only to realize that was a bad idea. "Shit this hurts!"

Chouji tossed him his ice pack. "It'll keep the swelling and bruising down, supposedly."

"And how long is this going to hurt like bitch?" He said fumbling around wanting to take them out.

"It'll heal," Chouji said, shaking his head. "Don't play with 'em. It'll just hurt more. ...fuck you and your drunken ideas, Shika..."

"I want them out damn it!"

"You put out a hundred and sixty bucks for 'em, moron," Chouji deadpanned. "I wouldn't, if I were you."

"Why the hell you let me do this?"

"I didn't let you!" Chouji barked, an edge to his tone. "I couldn't---shit man, I tried to get you to stop, but you were so drunk, you didn't listen to anything I said!"

"Well why the hell didn't you drag me home?" he barked back. He didn't remember shit.

"I tried! MULTIPLE TIMES, but you kept pushing me away!"

"Well shit Chouji...your stronger than me...drag me out!"

"How about you stop drinking," Chouji said in a low voice, looking pointedly away. "So I don't have to keep following you and taking care of you like you're some wayward dog that keeps getting lost?"

"I can fucking take care of my self! I wasn't that drunk...."

"Weren't that drunk? Shika, you don't even remember getting needles stuck through your nipples!"

"So I was tired then..." he mused trying to make sense of the obviously stupid decision he made lastnight. It wasn't working.

"You were drunk," he said in a small voice, still looking away. "Again."

He tried to rationalize his actions...and couldn't even remember getting so plastered. He did however remember why. He sighed placing his elbows on his knees, hands together; and head down.

Chouji sighed softly. "What was it this time?"

"She said I've changed...." he said his head still down, not looking up.

"You have. And not in good ways, either," Chouji said, as brutally honest as ever.

"What the....how?" Shikamaru asked.

"You don't act like...you anymore. Not like my Shika, at least," he said quietly.

He looked up, brows furrowed in thier classic pissed off Nara pose. "Elaborate." he said sternly.

"Since when has the Nara Shikamaru I grew up with doubted himself? Double-thought over anything? Gave up?"

"I didn't give up!" he stammared in his defense.

"But you didn't fight, either. You just laid down and took it, and---and since when, Shikamaru?" Chouji asked, frowning. "This...isn't like you. You know that, so you're drinking to 'make it all better'."

"She didn't want me Chouji....I mean..." his voice broke and he just clamed up again. "What was I supposed to do!"

"If I knew, I'd make you do it. But...I don't know," Chouji said, a little helplessly. "But I do know that drinking isn't the way to go about this. You---you promised me..."

Shikamaru turned his head in the other direction, nose in air. "I know...."

"You know," he repeated softly, hearing the own hurt in his voice. "But you're still doing it. I thought...that a promise to me meant more to you than that. But I guess I was wrong."

"It did.....I mean it does..." he stammered again. "My heart's broke Chouji..."he said just above a whisper. "I feel like...she doesn't even care..."

"So you're taking it out on me? I do care about you. I know that I'm not Temari, and I know that she hurt you, but...but why are you doing this?"

"Because I can't make it go away...." he said softly hanging his head again, his long hair out of it's usual style falling over his face.

"Then I don't know what to say," Chouji said, looking down. "Other than I'm sorry I can't make it better."

"Why....why couldn't she just love me?" he said weakly, bending down even more.

"Good question, man," said Chouji, his voice hitching a little. "Some days, I wish I knew the answer."

He laid his head over his arms that rested on his knees. "I was going to marry her....I told her that...and she laughed...."

"You scare her, Shika. Just a little. You're too...stable, too there for her sometimes."

"So shit that means just....hiding away? To stop being caring, to stop fucking caring?"

"No," Chouji said sharply. "But you---you overwhelm her sometimes, I think. It's not that she doesn't love you."

"So that's it....it's always going to be over because I'm so much of a cling?"

Fed up, Chouji tossed aside the ice pack. "I don't know, okay? I don't fucking know."

"What the hell Chouji? You want me to fucking talk so I do....tck...." he said getting up. "I'm sleepy" he said in a hateful voice as he made his way upstairs again.

"Then sleep!" Chouji snapped, getting up. "Fuck Chouichi...I'm just going home."

Shikamaru paused. "What?" he nailed out.

"I'm going home," Chouji said, enunciating carefully. "I don't know if I can deal with you today."

"Then don't fucking deal with it...no one else does...." he said his voice breaking slightly with emotion. He slammed his room door and landed facedown on his bed. "FUCK!" he screamed as he remembered the piercings.

Almost blind with the tears that wanted to come, Chouji gathered his things and the cats, wanting to get out as soon as possible. Why were things falling apart this way? It just wasn't fair... He sighed as the runt of the litter, a little girl kitten, squirmed and protested in the box. He set the kitten by Shikamaru's door, thinking there's your guardian angel, Shika. I dibs out.

The little kitten sat at Shikamaru's door, wining and holloring. Her little paws scratched up under the door wanting in. Finally fed up with the noise he opened the door roughly, "Damn it Chouji...leave me....." he paused looking down to see the kitten crying again for him. He picked her up and she crawled up on his shoulder sitting on it. Damn it...if you want to be mad Chouji...just be mad... The kitten purred and he sighed laying back down on the bed putting her down. She curled up between his arm and his chest and comforted him in her own way.

Damn emotions....I really miss her...

Go on, look for love, to the otherside of the deep woods
(real love, my dear, is not for sale)
No matter how I strained my eyes looking, I never could find it but...
(real love, my dear, is hard to find)